Evangelion: The Hangover
by Panther2G
Summary: Summer, 2021. Shinji wakes up in bed in Las Vegas. Lying next to him is Asuka... And Rei. And Kaworu. And they've all got matching rings. They're all naked. There's a polar bear in the bathtub. Everyone has a hangover and no memories of last night. Including the bear. Life just got stranger.
1. Chapter 1

Ok... well, as usual, when I started writing, this exploded.  
Discord chat, largely with Alex , gave me the idea to do a crack-mashup of Evangelion and The Hangover. Predictably, the results are also shot through with WAFF, because well... Me.

It's also hit 5k before I've gotten them out of the hotel room.  
So, here's Part 1 of ? of Evangelion: The Hangover. This may or may not be mixed with A&T writing as I go forward.  
To be clear, this is _not_ A&T's universe. This is early 2021, 3rd Impact never came, and SEELE and Gendo are no longer worries. Exactly how that happened may or may not come up in the story, but for now, just count them as dead or gone.  
And yes, that means everyone is old enough for what happens here.

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What happens in Vegas...

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 **Evangelion: The Hangover pt 1**

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Shinji Ikari woke up, and immediately regretted it. His head hurt. A lot. His stomach hurt. A lot. His arms and legs felt too heavy to move. And hurt. A lot. He didn't feel like a 20 year old man who'd just woken up from a deep sleep. He felt like a 200 year old man whose body was in revolt. He was tired and worn out, like he'd been running or exercising all night, and some strategic bits of him felt kind of sore like he'd been mas-...um… 'being introspective' all night.

He almost hurt too much to move. His limbs felt so heavy... and kind of lumpy? Wait…

With great effort, he pried his gluey eyes open, just a slit. The weak sunlight dribbling in between the curtains on the hotel suite's windows _still_ hurt his eyes. But not nearly as much as how much the sight that greeted them made his brain hurt and his heart clench.

Asuka Langley Soryu was right in his face.

To be fair, she was achingly beautiful, as always. She'd been beautiful at 14, and now at 20 she was a true heartbreaker. What made his heart clench right now was how cute she was in her sleep… ten centimeters from his face. And how she was wrapped around him like he was her body pillow at home, the one she pretended was just for her comfort, not because she nuzzled it in her sleep and sometimes mumbled sweetly to it…. Not that he'd ever peeked into her room while he tried to work up the nerve to go in and talk to her!

Where was he? Oh, right, waking up in bed in a hotel with Asuka wrapped around him, no memory of how they'd ended up there, and, key point here, not a stitch of clothing on either of them. The killer hangover at least accounted for why he couldn't remember anything, though the circumstances of waking up with one of the people he was involved in a serious, long-term, maximum-awkward mutual crush-occasional-friendship-with-benefits-something made getting some answers on that front _kind of a priority._

On the other hand, waking up naked in bed with a girl you've literally dreamed about doing something like that with for years did lend itself to another obvious possible answer.

"Ah," Shinji muttered. "I'm having _that_ dream again."

His tiny utterance received a "Murrghph," of acknowledgement from his other side.

He blinked, and rolled his head to the right. A very familiar mop of blue hair greeted him.

Rei Ayanami was glomped to his right arm just as firmly as Asuka was on his left. No wonder he couldn't move his limbs.

"Oh, it's one of _those dreams," Shinji amended, still at whisper-levels of volume. Even in a nice dream, it was only considerate to not wake people, especially when they were as cute as Rei and Asuka._

"Grumphlble," agreed another dreamer from across Shinji's legs.

Shinji very carefully and slowly raised his head to look down his body. A sleepy and contented-looking Kaworu Nagisa was somehow peacefully sleeping laid across his and Rei's legs, his head in Rei's lap. He too somehow contrived to look really cute. Seriously, Kaworu's hair was just so silky and fluffy, it was a joy to run his fingers through and where the Hell had that come from, Shinji?

Oh, right, that party six months ago.

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 _"Do it! Do it! Hahahah, bet you'll chicken out!" Asuka drunkenly cheered._

 _"It's ok if you don't want to, Shinji-kun," Kaworu said, blushing almost as hard as Shinji._

 _"Nuh-uh!" Shinji slurred. "Asuka thinks I won't, and you're cute and nice and I've kind of been thinking about it for a while and Asuka once dared me to kiss her and I did and we both liked it so she can't say anything and fuck I talk too much. Come 'ere." Shinji grabbed Kaworu, pulled him into a hug, and planted a nice, solid kiss right on the Nephilim's soft lips._

 _Asuka's drunken cheer of approval was barely heard. Shinji couldn't stop himself from running his hands through Kaworu's delightfully silky hair, pressing him close. He only felt even more excited when Kaworu responded to Shinji's other hand sliding south to get a nice firm grip on Kaworu's perfect backside by matching Shinji's move with his own._

 _Things escalated slightly. Then some more. When they finally broke apart, both of them had their shirts half-off, their pants unbuttoned, and a slightly wild look in their eyes. Shinji reluctantly pulled his hand out of Kaworu's boxers._

 _"Oh my fucking Gott, that was so hot," Asuka cheered. "I have never been so happy to be wrong! This is the best 20th birthday ever!"_

 _"Do it again," Rei commented, quietly but with a hungry, focused look in her eyes. Rei always got strangely intense when drunk. Her verbal filters tended to evaporate, too. "I wish to see more of that."_

 _Kaworu wobbled a bit on his feet. Drink always hit him pretty hard, though he never was anything less than cheerful. He just got… cuddly. "Not...not that I… dun wanna, but… I thought…" He hiccuped. "I thought you and Shhhhhinji were kind of a thing again. Or waszh that last month?"_

 _"Because guy-on-guy is HOT!" Asuka and Rei said in stereo. "Just like guys like watching girls make out, right?" Asuka continued. "Like this!" She grabbed an entirely unresisting Rei and gave her a kiss. Technically just one, but it went on for a while. Eventually, she had to somewhat pry Rei off her. "Sheee? And I'm mad at Shinji again thiz week, but this is a great way for making me happy with him again. So make with the yaoi action again!"_

 _Shinji found he had no real objection to kissing Kaworu some more. His on-again-off-again semi-girlfriend said it was ok, and Kaworu_ _**was**_ _really cute and a good friend._ _And_ _**fuck**_ _, was he a good kisser!_

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Still, them all ending up in bed _at once_ was more likely a dream than anything. Seriously, the only time Shinji was _that_ ambitious was in his dreams. And hadn't he had the foursome one the night before they left on...that… trip? "Where are… oh, right. Misato's conference thing. Vegas," Shinji finally remembered.

They were in Vegas. This was Caesar's Palace. He remembered checking in… yesterday? Misato had dragged them all to some 'Retrospectives on the Angel War' conference, declaring she wasn't going to let the five of them dodge it anymore, now that they were all legally of age. Asuka had used that excuse to get them out of a lot of Angel War stuff, once she'd gotten tired of the initial year of publicity.

Wait.

Vegas. All in bed together. Not wearing anything. Couldn't remember last night. The only thing that was needed to complete the bad joke was…

Shinji looked down at his left hand, just barely visible between him and Asuka.

There was a nice, fairly fancy band of gold and diamond on it.

And on Asuka's.

And on Rei's.

….and on Kaworu's.

"...oh. Shit," Shinji said.

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 **  
Evangelion: The Hangover**

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Ok. Ok. Don't panic, Shinji. There had to be a logical explanation for this. The pounding headache and full bladder suggested maybe this wasn't a dream. The rings they were all wearing did too, since not even his wildest dreams included marrying all of them. So… ok, try to wake them up one at a time, to avoid mass panic.

"Kaworu!" he hissed. Kaworu was usually cheerful and sensible, right? He was a good one to wake first.

"Mmmurble," Kaworu replied, nuzzling his face deeper into Rei's lap. Rei did not seem to mind.

"Kaworu! Wake _up_!" Shinji said a little louder.

Kaworu's eyes snapped open. He vaguely focused in on Shinji, and started to smile.

Then his face turned green, and he murmured, "Oh Gott…" before leaping out of the bed and streaking for the bathroom. Sounds of extensive, deep vomiting began.

Shinji sighed. Ok, so much for plan A. Plan B.

"Rei!" Shinji tried wiggling his right arm. "Rei, wake up! We've got a situation!"

"Whuh?" Rei mumbled, cracking one crimson eye open. She smiled sleepily. "Oh, hi Shinji." She ducked her head forward to kiss him.

Shinji found himself helplessly returning the kiss. Rei was always sweet and fun to kiss. They'd intermittently dated for a few months during one of his and Asuka's 'off' times. It had more or less ended when at yet another liquor-fueled party Rei had literally pushed him into Asuka's arms, saying 'She looks sad. You make her smile.' Rei had then sat back and beamed at them while he and Asuka sucked face for the rest of the night.

"Rei-mmmwha. I mean, Rei, stop! We… I think we…" he swallowed. "Umm… do you remember anything about last night?"

Rei closed her eyes and snuggled back down, smiling contentedly. "Not really."

"I...I think we got married."

Rei opened one eye again. "Which? Us? You and Asuka? About time..." she said sleepily.

"All of us."

"Oh." Rei closed her eye again. "That's nice." She yawned, and started to snore softly.

Shinji wished his hand was free so he could facepalm. "Big help you are, Rei…"

Ok, plan B no good either. Plan C was to chew his arm off so he could make his escape, since plan D, 'wake up Asuka and explain this' was much scarier.

...He couldn't reach his arm with his teeth without waking her. Crap. Plan C was out.

 _'Oh come on, Shinji. Is it_ _ **really** so scary to wake up the woman you've kind of been in love with for five years and tell her you all are now married somehow? You've had this dream too!'_

 _'Not when I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED! Also, I doubt she'll be too ecstatic when I mention 'Rei and Kaworu too', will she?!''_

 _'Ok, fair point. Counter-point: She_ _looks_ _**really**_ _cute and happy right now.'_

Shinji gave up arguing with his brain. It never worked anyway. He looked down at Asuka. Alright, yeah, she _did_ look amazingly cute and happy. She always did when they woke up together, something that to be fair happened moderately often over the last few years. But no matter how often, one of them would say or do something stupid, or one of their insecurities would rear its head, and they'd break up again.

Then again, since they'd been living together for five years, and got back together as often as they broke up, it was more like they'd been dating for five years, with occasional 'I'm not talking to you because I'm angry' periods.

He still loved her. That was the annoying part. No matter what they did or said to each other, he couldn't stop loving her. For all the arguments, when she was sweet, it was… like nothing else in the world. At such times, he could _almost_ understand his father's willingness to break the world to get his own love back.

Of course, then he'd remember his father was a giant asshole who'd been party to a conspiracy to kill three billion people, and out _that_ moment of sympathy went.

Anyhow, Asuka. Smiling, sleeping in his arms. A really nice wakeup, except for the part where he had to explain the rings they were all wearing.

He took a deep breath. "Asuka?"

"Mmmm?"

"I need you to wake up."

"Dun wanna. Headache. Hangover. Fuck. Why did we drink so much?"

"Do you remember last night?"

"No."

Shinji bit his lip.

As the pause lengthened, Asuka stirred a bit. Finally, she opened one eye a slit. "Why?" she growled suspiciously.

"You have to promise not to get mad."

"Shinji, we've known each other for five years and change by now. Woken up this exact way more than once. Since when has that _ever_ worked?"

"Thought it was worth a shot."

She sighed. "Can I have a few more minutes to enjoy waking up in your arms before we get to the inevitable disaster that makes us mad at each other again?"

"Um…. yeah, I think we're ok on that one."

"Good. I like this part. Stupid sexy Shinji," she muttered. "...did we have sex last night? Bits of me are sore."

"I honestly can't remember. I _think_ so? We had a bit to drink."

"Scheiße… I hate it when that happens. Sex with you is _good_ ," Asuka complained. She sighed again. "Alright, hit me. What did we do this time?"

"I think we got married."

Shinji's heart did a little leap when, out of the rapid kaleidoscope of emotions that flashed across Asuka's face, the preeminent one was joy. But wariness soon came to the forefront. "Ok… so you wanted me to promise not to get mad because… wait, we're both still in bed, I don't remember anything, and you don't either, so... what makes you think we got married?"

Shinji wiggled his left hand free and took hers, raising them in front of Asuka's face.

Her eyes nearly crossed. "Oh… wow… um,... That's a nice ring….rings." She swallowed. "Ok...so…. We're married?"

Shinji winced. She sounded… happy. Hopeful. Eager, even. "Yyyyeah, that's… where it gets complicated."

"Because we just had one of the most important moments in our lives, and we can't remember Scheiße?"

Shinji rolled onto his back to reveal Rei still snuggled up on his far side. "Rei's wearing a ring too. Exactly like ours."

"...we married Wondergirl _too_?!"

"And," Shinji waved at the bathroom door. Another angonized "HUUUUGGGRRRRRRHHGNLBBBBLE!" came from within.

Asuka blinked at him for a moment. "What."

"I _said_ it got complicated."

"How is the _four_ of us being married even possible?"

"This is Vegas, and all the weird polygamy and stranger stuff the US authorized after Second Impact in the name of boosting birthrates?"

"And I'm still a US Citizen, so this is all probably legal." Asuka rubbed her face. "Where is Misato? This is all her fault, I'm sure of it. I'm going to kill her."

"I don't know. I just woke up. I tried waking the others without disturbing you, but Kaworu is… well, you can hear him. Rei just said 'that's nice', and went back to sleep."

Asuka sat up far enough to mildly glare at the bluenette. "She's lucky she's so cute, or I'd be more upset with her." Asuka's eyes narrowed. "What's that on her face?"

Shinji looked closer. Rei shift had revealed what looked like a bandage on her face. "A… some gauze? Did she hurt herself last night?"

Asuka reached over Shinji and gently tugged at the bandage, already coming up a bit from where Rei's face had rubbed on the pillow. It came away easily, revealing a small, fresh tattoo under the corner of Rei's left eye. "Is that… kanji?"

Shinji examined it. He had to cover his mouth to avoid laughing out loud. "Snrk. Y-Yeah, it is."

Asuka shifted her glare to him. "Why are you laughing? What does it say?"

"...Soryu."

"What?"

"Rei has your last name tattooed on her face. Right in the 'path of her tears', no less."

Asuka reached over to shake Rei awake. "Rei! Rei! Wake up!"

"Mmmuh?"

"...do you know you've got a tattoo on your face?"

"...what?"

"Why do you have _my name_ on your face, Wondergirl?" Asuka demanded.

"I… do not remember getting a tattoo?"

Asuka reached up to gently draw a circle around the mark, carefully not touching it. "Not kidding, First. You've got my name's kanji right here."

"You... marked me?" Rei said hesitantly.

"How should I know?!" Asuka threw her hands up. "I can't remember anything about last night after… like, mid-afternoon!" Asuka pulled Rei's left hand up. "And… are we fucking married now?! Do you remember anything?"

"Married? To...you? I thought…" Rei looked at her ring, then the matching ones on Asuka and Shinji. "Oh. And… Kaworu too?"

"HUUURRGGHGBBLBBLBBLLL!"

"Apparently."

"Oh...I'm ok with this."

Asuka and Shinji stared at her like she'd grown a new head.

"What?" Rei said. "You're all hot and I love all of you? I've slept with all three of you at least once in the last 4 years?"

Shinji's eyes got wide and he looked at Asuka, a grin starting to form on his lips.

Asuka blushed and looked away. "Look, we were all drunk and you and I were fighting again. Rei was… comforting."

"Then we did it again the next we-" Asuka reached over to grab Rei by the back of the head and seal her lips with a kiss.

Rei's smile when Asuka pulled back was beatific. "And that would be one of many reasons I do not mind the idea of being her wife," she said quietly.

Asuka covered her face with her hands. "I'm too hungover for this. I'm going to make some hangover cure. Shinji, you see if Kaworu needs any help in there before he vomits up the rest of his internal organs. Rei, see if you can look around and find any traces of Misato, Hikari, their boytoys, or anything that looks like marriage certificates, whatever. If we really got married, there's got to at least be a receipt or _something_.

"These are very nice rings," Rei said, looking at hers again. She raised her head, looking into space. "Also, I think I have been… 'ridden hard and put away wet'."

Shinji nearly fell over on his way to the bathroom. Asuka walked right into one of the barstools around the counter of the kitchenette. "W-What?" she sputtered.

"My nether bits feel well and extensively used. Whatever happened last night, I believe a substantial part of it must have been extended sexual intercourse, most likely in consummation of our marriage." Rei looked vaguely annoyed. "I wish I could remember that."

Asuka turned back to look at Rei again. "Wondergirl, are you still drunk? You're sounding like you do when hammered."

"No, but I might be somewhat giddy from the prospect of you all being my spouses. I find the concept... most agreeable." There was no change in Rei's usual deadpan cool.

Asuka muttered something in German and began pulling bottles of orange juice and Gatorade out of the kitchenette's fridge. "Hurensöhne! There's Tylenol in the minibar… but it's twelve dollars for a bottle! What a ripoff!"

"We're probably not the first hangover sufferers in Vegas," Shinji said, entering the bathroom. "Hey, Kaworu are you-" He froze and backed out of the bathroom slowly. "Uhhhh… Rei, Asuka? There's a creature in the bathtub."

"You found Pen Pen?"

Shinji shook his head and cracked the door open to reveal a polar bear in the tub. "Wrong Arctic."

Kaworu slowly raised his head from the toilet bowl, feebly wiping at his chin. "...Oh Gott. Wait… maybe he will eat me, and end my suffering," he said weakly.

"Kaworu are you-" Shinji whispered. He tiptoed his way back into the bathroom. His eyes sought Kaworu's hand. Yup, matching ring. "Tell me you remember last night?"

"Huh? Uh… no...not a thing past…" Kaworu knitted his brow. "Um,... about the point where Misato said we...wait… weren't we going to celebrate Touji and Hikari's engagement?"

"Well… um… how about you slowly, carefully follow me out of the bathroom, and away from the giant carnivore…" Shinji took another look at the still sleeping polar bear. "...That is wearing a fez and cuddling a bottle of Stolichnaya?"

"Definitely Misato's fault," Asuka said.

"But if I stay in here, maybe I'll get lucky and he'll kill me," Kaworu complained. "Oh Gott, my head…"

"Kaworu, I _really_ want you to not get eaten by a possibly hungover bear," Shinji said. "Especially when we… er… might be married now."

Kaworu lolled his head around to blink blearily at Shinji. "...what?"

Shinji helped his...husband? To stand up, and supported him as they withdrew cautiously from the bathroom. Shinji closed the door, wincing at even the tiny click the latch made when he did.

"Oh, don't worry, Shinji. Lieutenant Growlski won't hurt you unless you try to take away his vodka," Rei said cheerily. Well, cheerily for Rei.

"Lieutenant… Growlski? Rei, how do you know its name?"

"I have no idea." Rei rustled some papers. "I think I may have found our wedding papers. And a...note from Misato?"

"What does it say?" Asuka said, pouring out four glasses of juice and Gatorade and placing painkillers beside each glass. Kaworu allowed Shinji to guide him to a stool at the counter, where he slumped forward and put his head down.

"I do not know. It is written entirely in Drunk Misato." She walked over to Asuka and handed her the note.

Asuka looked at the paper, shook her head, and calmly handed the note over to Shinji. "You're the most Japanese of us. I already can't read normal kanji, nevermind... _that_."

Shinji squinted at the paper, but shook his head as well. "This isn't Kanji. This is... Drunk Misato. There's not even one actual character on here. There's a sketch of a bottle and… I think that's a dickbutt." He looked at Rei. "No other sign of her?"

"Her bed is not slept in, and all that's here is her underwear."

Shinji sighed, and took a deep, forced swallow from his glass before starting to sort through the papers.

"What's the verdict?" Asuka asked after a few minutes of paper shuffling.

"According to all this, yes, we're all married, as a quartet, no, I don't know how that all works, yes, I'm serious, and no, we're not getting out of this." He sighed. "Those same post-Second Impact laws that allow all this also say we can't get any kind of annulment or divorce for at least 96 hours."

"And we fly back to Japan in 48," Asuka pointed out.

"I… do not wish to get a divorce," Rei said softly. "And it would be difficult to get all the tattoos removed."

"You don't want to… wait, what tattoos?" Asuka said.

Rei pointed at Shinji's chest. "You have Asuka, my, and Kaworu's names over your heart. He has a matching set of yours, mine, and Asuka's. I have Asuka's last name on my face, and I suspect from the soreness, yours and Kaworu's on my back. Asuka, could you turn around and move your hair off your back?"

Shinji jerked his head down to stare at his chest. Yup, there were fresh, sharp katakana spelling out the three names, right over his heart, with Asuka's in the middle, a bit larger. It had probably gone first.

"Well, do I?" Asuka demanded.

Shinji jerked his head back up. ...partway up. He got stuck for a second staring at Asuka's admittedly perfect backside. He never got tired of staring at…. Oh, right, he was supposed to be looking for tattoos!

When his eyes got a little higher, there they were. His name in fancy Western script, right on the small of her back, with Kaworu and Rei's names forming part of a filigreed circle around it. It was… distractingly pretty… The swirling, elaborate lettering made him want to trace his fingers over it, following the letters.

"Uh… yeah… right on your back, here," he told Asuka, delicately circling his fingertip around it.

"EEEEEYYYAAAIIII!" Asuka shrieked in surprise, leaping into the air. "Stop that! It tickles!"

"Sorry!"

Asuka tried peering over her own shoulder. "I… I have your names as a _tramp stamp_?!"

"It's very artistic," Kaworu said weakly, just raising his head. "Did… I sketch the tracework? It kind of looks like my hand."

"What about me?" Rei interrupted. "I feel it on my shoulder blades, but what does it look like?"

The bluenette had turned around, and was looking over her shoulder for their reactions. And she got them.

"Oh, wow, Rei… You've got _wings_ ," Asuka said.

"I… I don't know what to say, Rei. You… I don't deserve to… to be…" Shinji couldn't finish.

So Kaworu did. "...We're your wings?" He wobbled upright from his stool and stepped close enough to Rei to gently trace his fingers along the delicate, feathered angel wings that lead down from near the top of Rei's back, with 'Shinji' and 'Kaworu' written on them. They looked almost lifelike.

"And my name in the 'path of your tears'," Asuka said, shaking her head. "I never knew you cared that much, Rei."

"I do. I am sorry I remain…" Rei fidgeted with her hands. "Bad at expressing deep emotion. But I do love you all. The idea of your names being permanently on my skin is… I feel simultaneously loved and aroused."

Kaworu and Shinji shared a look. "Uhh…" they said together.

Asuka snorted. "Damn, Rei, I knew you were kind of kinky. Ok, whatever the Hell we did last night, we must have had some good shit to drink to spark it. I blame Misato. So we need to find her, and see if _she_ can explain any of this. If she's not in evidence, we need to start following the trail. The address for the chapel's on those papers, right?"

"Yes."

"Good. We'll start there. There's probably a receipt or charge record on our cards for these tattoos, too. So we can try that too." Asuka thought for a moment. "We haven't tried calling Misato, Hikari, or anyone, right?"

"Not unless someone did it while I was regurgitating everything I've eaten in the last month," Kaworu said, blearily. He nearly choked trying to force down the rest of the glass of Gatorade Asuka had put in front of him, then stood up to try digging ice out of the freezer.

"I'll find our phones. ...And our pants. I have no idea where our clothes are," Shinji said.

"Oh...we'll have to put on clothes, won't we?" Rei said. She sounded disappointed.

"If I promise the rest of us will help you out of them later, will that make you feel better?" Asuka said sarcastically.

Rei gave her one of her tiny smiles. "Promise?"

"What are we going to do about the polar bear in the bathroom?" Kaworu asked, gingerly putting a ziploc bag of ice against his head. "Besides feed me to it so I stop wishing for the sweet embrace of death?"

"We'll let the hotel staff figure that one out. We've got a mystery to solve," Asuka replied.

"We better leave the maid one hell of a tip," Shinji muttered. "Ah… you're taking this really well, Asuka. I kind of expected you to explode or try to strangle me."

Asuka left the kitchen and walked over to where he was searching through the scattered sheets and pillows around the bed for their clothes and grabbed him in a surprisingly tight hug. "Shinji, I am currently half-freaking out because we can't remember anything about how or why we did this, half-giddy that we finally _did_ do this, and half-confused as all fuck as to why we included Wondergirl and the Angel of Prettyboys in the mix. I'm also still not completely convinced this isn't a really weird dream from eating too much buffet last night. So on balance, I've decided to just roll with it for now, and… maybe it's not so bad? I… you and I have been dancing around each other for years, never able to just… stop dancing and make it real. Maybe I kind of needed to be just… given a push like this."

Shinji's breath caught in his throat. "Asuka, I… You know I've loved you for years… I'd just… never thought we'd…"

"Maybe you needed the push too, huh?" she said softly.

"Is… I mean…. Rei and Kaworu too?" he asked hesitantly.

She tilted her head up for a kiss. "Eh, you and I both kind of love Rei already, and I've seen you and Kaworu together looking such a cute couple I have to admit I got jealous sometimes. And after the four of us living together for so long, life would feel… half-empty without them. So… yeah, maybe I don't really mind… having a wife and two husbands?" She blushed quite a bit by the end of that admission. She still managed to meet his eyes… after a moment. "You think you can handle two half-Angels who I know you love already, plus me, the love of your life? Because if we do this… I'm going all-in, baka-Shinji. No holding back anymore."

He swallowed hard. _This_ would be one of the reasons he loved Asuka. The way she could just… cut through everything, and make him feel like he was the world to her. It made him want to do the same for her. "I… I kind of want this too. For… pretty much the same reasons. I can't imagine living without them and you."

"Now I'm going to make a joke about watching you and Kaworu go at it, because #1, that's hot, and #2, its easier than facing the oh-holy-shit levels of emotional scariness that goes with seriously thinking about ohfuckohfuckouhfuckI'mmarriedI'mmarriedI'mmarriedtothreepeopleandIthinkIlovethemand-" Asuka let go of him and clamped her hands over her mouth.

Shinji smiled weakly. "Y-Yeah… same reasons." He kissed her on the forehead and gave her one last squeeze. "Let's… find out what happened."

"Everyone?" Rei spoke up from the now open door to the bathroom. "Lieutenant Growlski says he wants breakfast. Do we have any more vodka?"


	2. Chapter 2

Hangover pt 2 kiiiinda went big. Here's 5k words of Stupid Fish, tsunderes, what happened to the Angel War, and the PilOT4 finding out that 'get hammered and get married' was a trend last night.

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 **Evangelion: The Hangover pt 2**

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Shinji paled a bit. "Um… Rei? Aren't you nervous about ah… 'Lieutenant Growlski' trying to… eat you?"

"He's fine as long as he gets his vodka," Rei said serenely.

Shinji eyed the bathroom door nervously. "What happens if he doesn't get his vodka?"

"Then he's not fine." Rei headed into the kitchen area and began to rummage through the cabinets. "Help me find some, Shinji?"

Shinji squeezed Asuka's hand one last time and went to help Rei.

"Do _not_ get eaten by the bear!" Asuka called after him. She resumed searching for their keys or phones in the cushions of the suite's couch. She found her shirt from last night under the cocktail table. She picked it up, but wrinkled her nose at the strong scent of alcohol pouring off it. As if they'd needed any more confirmation that they'd done a truly epic amount of drinking yesterday. "Enough to get married to three people, but forget about it and the whole rest of the evening," she muttered.

Kaworu tapped her on the shoulder, presenting her with a set of fresh clothes. "I found your suitcase under some flung sheets. Still no sign of our phones."

She took the blouse, underwear, and pants with a nod of thanks. She had to pull her eyes away from the ring on his hand as she took them.

Kaworu's own gaze was stuck just as much on hers. She tried to ignore it as she started getting dressed right there.

"Asuka?

"Yeah?" She stepped into her semi-lacy panties and pulled them up. She was vaguely bemused to note they were the same blue as Rei's hair.

"Why me?"

She fastened her bra behind her and adjusted the straps. "What do you… oh, why are you wearing a ring too?"

He nodded. "You and Shinji, everyone's been expecting that for years, despite how often you two broke up and reconciled. And I can even see how much you and Rei really care for each other, even without my Sight. Rei and Shinji likewise. But… I'm the weird new one, the outsider in your little trio, the _Angel_ … I mean, I know you're all my friends, and even sometimes a lover, but… do I really… am I worthy of this?"

Asuka frowned. "Ok, number one, none of us even remember how we went from 'celebratory drinking about Hikari and her gorilla' to 'let's all get tattooed and married', so I don't know what to say in the more immediate sense. Number two… you're not 'just a friend', Kaworu. Angel? You've been closer than anyone else to all three of us for years at this point. Number three…" Asuka tried to sort through her wildly confused feelings. Failing to come up with a coherent, articulable line of explanation, she fell back on a more base one, that had the virtue of being at least _part_ of the truth. "You're good."

"Good?"

Asuka looked down briefly, then away from the still distractingly nude and very gorgeous Nephilim. "...in bed."

.

* * *

.

" _Bullshit! I've got_ _ **years**_ _of practice on him, and I_ _ **know**_ _he likes it," Asuka smirked. "There's no way you can even match me, let alone beat me."_

 _"Hey, my first couple of boyfriends may have been more interested in notching 'I banged an Angel' on their bedpost and damn blogs than in really seeing me for me, but that is one thing I got out of all of them: I am the **king**_ _of blowjobs," Kaworu countered. "And Shinji damn near ripped my ears off the last time you dared us to do it while you and Rei watched and cheered."_

 _"Oh yeah?!"_

 _"Yeah!"_

 _The argument had escalated to dueling practical demonstrations. Kaworu had needed a full minute just to uncross his eyes after Asuka finished him off. Asuka had yelled loud enough at her moment of climax Shinji had needed to cover his ears. Rei had merely smiled that wickedly content way she did when drunk and horny, and declared that the only means of truly settling the argument was for them both to do Shinji at once. Shinji's surprised 'guh-WHA?' had been stilled by Rei giving him her best coquettish look, with one finger on her lower lip._

 _Shinji had no complaints after that, only the repeated and mountingly fervent gasping of both their names. However, their heads close together had begun distracting them both into increasingly heated kissing between bobs. That had ended when Asuka had grabbed Kaworu by the back of the neck, pulled him on top of her, and demanded more... direct satisfaction, immediately._

 _That Shinji and Rei had promptly attached themselves to her left and right sides only made it better. Asuka very quickly discovered a few things: Kaworu was a tender, skilled, and gentle lover, he never stopped looking into her eyes, and she really, really liked being under him with Rei and Shinji pressed against her sides, taking turns kissing her and teasing her breasts. She felt surrounded, the center of attention… and loved. Intensely, deeply, completely. Her three favorite people, with her, holding her, loving her…_

 _She didn't want it to end._

 _But eventually she screamed her release into Shinji's mouth, and the morning came. She and Shinji were together again, and they didn't discuss the night before. Not in that level of detail._

 _But it still happened again a couple more times._

 _Per month._

 _She wanted more. But how do you say something like that?_

.

* * *

.

"You're... good. A good lover. And I like sex. How many… look, Kaworu, there's you, and there's Shinji. And that's it. That's all the men I've let touch me in the last… three years?"

Kaworu blinked at her. "What, really? Half the time you and Shinji break up, you're dating some new hot guy within a day or two. You… never?"

"Nope. Hell, more than half of them are just me trying to make Shinji jealous," Asuka admitted.

Kaworu started to smile. "That does kind of undercut the 'I like sex' justification. If that was all there was to it, you'd be all over them too. If it's just Shinji and I, that suggests…"

Asuka turned away, hiding her face. "Halt's Maul."

Kaworu's smile deepened. "You don't just sleep around, Asuka. You demand more than that. You only sleep with people you-"

Asuka spun back around. "I said shut it, idiot!"

"This isn't just about sex, is it?"

She punched him in the chest, lightly. "Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!" She punched him again. "You've been living with us since the end of the War, you're closer to us than anyone, even Misato and Kaji, and I know how you feel about Shinji and Rei. You make them happy, they like you too, and I'm not going to just… cut you out and leave you alone. So whatever crazy logic persuaded us that suddenly getting _group-married_ last night was a good idea, for my part there's no way I'd… leave you out, alright? That's it." Asuka crossed her arms and looked away again. "Idiot."

She squeaked in alarm when Kaworu suddenly picked her up by the waist and spun her around in the air, grinning. "Aaack! Put me down, you lunatic!" Her head spun.

"I know this song!" he said. "I've seen it before!"

"What the Hell are you _talking_ about, du Dummkopf?!"

He lowered her down and crushed her to him, kissing the side of her neck. "You used to sound like this about him. And I know where that went. So if… Asuka, you know what I am, what I nearly did before Rei and I found a way to mute the Call, and you _still_ accept me. You may not be able to say it, but this," he pulled back and held up his left hand, "this says more than words ever could. This is the ultimate expression of acceptance and…" He closed his eyes, still smiling. "You said you 'wouldn't leave me alone'. I know how difficult emotional intimacy is for you. That you'd include me in… Asuka, this is the second most wonderful thing anyone's ever done for me."

Asuka felt her pride prickle a bit. "Second?" she pouted.

"Rei saving me from the Call narrowly wins."

.

* * *

.

 _The alarms and sirens far above were inaudible at this depth, but Kaworu knew they were going off. Two Nephilim forcing open Heaven's Gate and entering the very heart of Terminal Dogma must have set off every alarm in NERV, even without the immense Pattern Blue signal their AT-Fields must have sent off._

 _Kaworu looked up at the titanic form hanging from the gigantic red cross before them. Even hanging mid-air on the wings of their AT-Fields, Lilith's true body still towered over them. The constant siren song of the Call was a hurricane-loud scream this close. Only the knowledge that this was truly Lilith, not Adam, allowed Kaworu to keep his will in control over his instincts. That, and his trust in his companion._

 _"Are you sure this will work?" he asked her._

 _Rei turned, giving him a perfectly blank look. Only the faint hint of steel in her eye told him she was just as intent on her goal as ever. "No. This will either work, cause you to explode, or trigger you into an irreversible overload state that will require me to kill you to stop. But I am confident the first is the most likely. You trust me, and are maintaining conscious control of your barriers. You retain the ability to willingly lower them. That and your half-Lilim body will allow me to manipulate and integrate sufficient Progenitor-material into your Core that the Call will be satisfied and silenced forever." She paused. "If you are still willing."_

 _He looked back at the far-off entrance to Lilith's chamber. Unit-01 and Unit-02 stood guard, their backs to the two hovering Nephilim, keeping SEELE's Evas at bay. The sounds of battle were growing stronger, the thunderous clangs and crashes of Evas in close combat eerily mixed with the unnatural roars and shrieks of the Mass Production Series._

 _He turned back to Rei. "In the face of such trust, how can I do any less? Proceed, Rei. We will win, or I will die. Either way, you will all live, and I will no longer endanger those I have come to care for." He opened his white shirt, revealing his bare chest._

 _Rei just nodded, and floated closer to Lilith's form. As she drew near, a bulge in Lilith's stomach formed, reaching out for Rei. But the First Child halted it with a raised hand. "No," she told it, "not now, perhaps not ever. This world is alive. Give me what I require to ensure it remains so."_

 _The pseudopod of white flesh inched closer, narrowing. A sphere no larger than a plum formed at the tip and dropped into Rei's outstretched hand. The bulge then retreated, and Lilith's body was still once more._

 _Rei flew back to Kaworu, holding her hand out in front of her. "Open wide, Kaworu. It is time for Tabris to go to sleep."_

 _The fragment of raw Progenitor screamed at him, the Call roaring in his ears, but it was wrong, wrong, not Adam, not-_

 _Rei pressed it into his mouth, gently but unrelentingly. "If this causes you to explode, I apologize."_

 _He swallowed it._

 _Rei's eyes flared like red stars, matching his own. She plunged her hand into his chest._

 _He felt his AT-Field scream, twist, distort… and She was inside him. Filling him. Changing him. He felt his Lilithian and Adamite sides clash, mix… and meld, bridged by the pure piece of Progenitor she'd fed him, then guided into his Core with her own AT-Field._

 _For the first time in his existence, the Call faded, faded… and stopped._

 _Rei pulled her hand out of his chest, and laid it gently on his skin. Her touch still made his skin tingle, but not like before. "You have not exploded. Good. The Forbidden Union has been achieved. You are now safe from the Call."_

 _Kaworu smiled. The silence in his head was the sweetest music he'd ever heard. "Yes, I am. Now-"_

 _Rei grabbed his shoulders and slammed her lips against his._

 _Eventually, she pulled back. "I have wanted to do that for weeks. That was even more pleasant than I expected. Now, let us go save our friends. We will discuss that more later."_

 _"Guh."_

 _She honked his nose. "Focus, Fifth Child. We have a battle to win, and SEELE to crush. You and I have risked much to reach this point. The others have risked even more to let us have this chance. Let us go redeem their trust in us. And then enjoy the fruits of victory."_

 _He shook his head. "R-Right… trust. Thank you, Rei. For all of this."_

 _"You may repay me later," Rei said, still as deadpan and cool as ever. "For now…" A pair of glowing octagons appeared at her hands, humming. "Let us go tear SEELE's Evas a structurally superfluous new behind."_

 _Two more AT-Fields appeared near Kaworu's hands. "Ladies first."_

 _The two Nephilim rocketed towards Heaven's Gate, outbound and down._

.

* * *

.

"I mean, she did kind of save my life and the world with that trick…" Kaworu rubbed his head. "So… I'm equally glad to be her husband too."

"Thank Shinji for the idea," Asuka muttered. That had been a… difficult day. But watching her two friends come flying out of Terminal Dogma to help them fight off SEELE's last five Mass Production Evas remained one of her favorite memories. "He is the one that thought it up. My baka can be a genius sometimes."

"Now I'm your baka too," Kaworu grinned again. "And I can wait for you to say the words. I love you too, Asuka."

She turned red, then purple. "Stop-... I… you… GAAAH! Stupid Fish!" Asuka pulled out of his grip. "Go get dressed, you distractingly naked man! Shinji! Rei! Where are you?" Asuka pushed open the door to the bathroom. "Have you found-"

The bear in the bathtub waved a quieting paw at her, warning her not to disturb the deeply embracing couple near the sinks. He raised his new bottle of vodka and took a long drink.

Shinji couldn't answer Asuka's question. Rei had his tongue.

Asuka cleared her throat, subtly. Then not so subtly. "A _hem_. Rei, what are you doing? I thought you were just giving ah… Lieutenant Growlski some more vodka to keep him pacified, then coming back to help us search?"

Rei slowly broke the kiss, a very pleased smile on her face. She finally looked at Asuka. "I am doing science."

Asuka gave her a flat look. "Science."

"I am experimentally verifying the question 'Is kissing your husband different from kissing your lover?' I am happy to report the answer is 'Yes, it is substantially better.'" Rei's eyes twinkled with anticipation. "I would now like to proceed with the next subject of investigation on the list, 'Is kissing your _wife_ different from kissing your lover?' Based on my experiments so far, I have high hopes for further positive results."

Asuka bit her lip. Damn it. Rei's kisses were literally and figuratively divine, but is she let Rei get her hands on her, it would take them even longer to get out of the suite and start finding out some answers. "Um, Rei, I really do hate to say this, but we have to, uh… postpone that experimental series until _after_ we figure out exactly how we, ah… reached that status."

Rei's expression dimmed for a moment, but her lips curled back up into a small smile just as quickly. "Ah, I see. Yes. Well, as a good and obedient wife, I will of course obey my beloved's wishes."

"Glurk," Asuka replied. "I… damn it, you little minx…"

Rei patted her on the cheek as she squeezed past Asuka. "Yes, dear. I will still hold you to your promise to help me into my clothes."

.

* * *

.

Some more cleaning and hotel suite archaeology unearthed their luggage and got the others dressed. Their cell phones turned up wrapped in aluminum foil in the freezer, for some reason. Misato and Kaji didn't answer theirs when called. There were several waiting text messages from her, all incoherent babble or random mashes of characters. The couple of voicemails were much the same. The last message was hours old, too. Giving up on that for a moment, Asuka shepherded her gaggle of hungover spouses out the suite door and down to the hotel lobby in search of possibly a taxi.

Well, not so much shepherded as led from in front. Asuka did find some moderate amusement in realizing that all three of the hungover people behind her were probably staring at her arse. Or possibly her new tattoo. Either end pleased her ego in nice ways.. and a deeper part she was still hesitant to examine too closely just yet. It was too near the part that wanted to wildly freak out over waking up married to not just her intermittent boyfriend, but two additional friends as well.

Fortunately, she found a ready-made distraction waiting for them all once they cleared the elevators and reached the first floor, the bings and hubub of the casino floor filling the otherwise quiet lobby. Sitting at one of the tables spilling out of the restaurant just off the lobby's front hall was Hikari Horaki, looking very smug, and Touji Suzuhara, looking like he didn't know if he wanted to scream or start giggling madly.

Asuka blinked in surprise as Hikari spotted them and waved them over. Her friend looked... different. Very different. Besides the cat-who-ate-100-canaries smile and the way she was radiating ALL THE SMUG. Hikari had maintained her girlish pigtails for a long time, even most of the way through high school. Even after they'd finally faded away, Hikari had always kept her hair tightly restrained in a severe ponytail. But now, for the first time any of them could recall, Hikari's brunette locks were unconfined, a glossy waterfall of rich chestnut hair spilling down all over her shoulders.

"Hikari, good morning. You look, um... nice?" Shinji said, confused.

"Ohhh, and I _feel_ even better, Shinji, thank you," Hikari said warmly. She took a slow, contented sip from her cup of coffee. "I feel great. I feel _unleashed_."

"Ah...why is that, Horaki-san?" Kaworu inquired.

"Because my darling Touji and I are not stuck on third base anymore," she said smugly. "And it was _fantastic_!" She hummed a happy little tune to herself as she took another sip of her steaming coffee.

"You did? Wait, what happened to 'no sex before marriage'?" Asuka said.

Hikari did giggle this time. "Oh, don't you remember?" she said, shaking her head. "We did it! It's not Horaki anymore, that's why! It's _Suzuhara_ , finally!"

"You got married last night?" Shinji asked.

"Yup! You were all there! You don't remember either? You were my _husband's,_ " Hikari trilled the word, "Best Man, Shinji! You were my Maid of Honor, Asuka!" Hikari seemed about to burst into laughter. "Well, I suppose we all _had_ been drinking a bit. That's how we went from a 'celebrate our engagement' party to 'hey, it's Vegas, let's get married right now!'" She laughed. "I am soooo happy Misato made that suggestion! Five years of waiting! I don't think Touji and I stopped until dawn!"

"Seems to have been a trend," Kaworu muttered quietly. Rei poked him in the side, smiling faintly.

Asuka and Shinji shared a glance. _Yup, this was all Misato's fault_. "You look, ah... very happy, yes," Shinji said. He looked at his friend. "Uh... Touji looks... a bit more in shock."

Touji finally blinked. He'd been rather still, though the remaining crumbs of breakfast in front of him showed he'd definitely eaten quite an array of food from the buffet. His gaze slowly drifted to Shinji. "I... I'm definitely married... and I think I'm pregnant."

Shinji stared back in confusion. "Ah... what?"

"I am so pregnant..." Touji said vaguely. "I'm probably going to have triplets. Three little girls..."

"Touji, you're the _guy,"_ Shinji pointed out.

Touji shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Hikari screwed me into submission. I never had a chance. She wins, forever. I get to have the babies." He blinked again, a little more focus returning to his eyes. "Holy shit, I am so _married_." He smiled up at them.

"I _really_ wish we could remember last night," Asuka grumbled. "I knew this was Misato's fault."

Hikari looked at all of them. "None of you remember? Wow."

"We do not, Hikari, no," Rei said quietly. "You do? Can you tell us more? There have been... developments that we urgently desire more information about."

"Like what?"

"Er," Shinji said. He took Asuka's hand and raised it. "I think your impulse put an idea in our heads. We seem to have gotten married too."

Hikari's eyes widened. "What, you got married _too_? Without me there?! Asuka, I've been waiting for you two to stop playing games and get together for good for five years, and you're telling me I _missed_ it?" She hesitated, lips pursing in thought. "Ok, I guess some of that is my fault. Touji and I _did_ leave the instant we could, and we left you all there. I _know_ the idea was in the air, since Misato wouldn't stop making jokes. And we were just a _little_ tipsy..."

"Hikari, we were all so blind drunk none of us can remember anything. I think that's a bit more than 'tipsy'," Asuka said dryly.

"Good thing the staff there didn't notice or say anything!" Hikari giggled. "Once Misato pointed out we could be married before midnight, it sounded so wonderful neither of us could stand waiting any longer." She sighed happily. "And it is. I'm so sad I missed you two getting married, though! I've been waiting for that to happen since we were fifteen! Everyone could see it! I'm so happy for you two!"

"Four," Rei said.

Rei's soft statement was lost in Hikari's tsunami of romantic cheer. Hikari put a thoughtful hand on her chin. "Well," she began, "Since I wasn't there, I'm guessing Rei was your Maid of Honor, Kaworu was Shinji's Best Man, and Kaji gave away the bride?"

Kaworu snorted. "No, I was not the Best Man."

Hikari looked confused. "You weren't?"

"No. I was the groom," he said, smiling despite still looking rather green around the gills.

Hikari's confusion deepened. She looked at Touji.

He shook his head. "Don't look at me, hon. You know exactly where I was. I'dda been proud to be Shin-man's Best Man, but..." Touji's brain finally caught up. He slowly wobbled his stare around to Kaworu. "Wait, you were the _groom_? I thought it was Shinji and Asuka that got married?"

"They did," Rei said, a little louder than before.

Kaworu raised his left hand. Beside him, Rei did too. Their matching rings sparkled.

Hikari covered her mouth with both her hands, but still squeed loud enough to be heard anyway. "Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod you had a _double wedding?!_ That's even _better_! You two are so cute together! I can't believe we missed all this! Did you get a video? Tell me there's a video!"

Asuka rubbed her face with her hands. Her head throbbed, and not just from the hangover. Explaining this to her best friend was hard enough. She couldn't _wait_ for all the fun it would likely entail to explain it to everyone else she knew. On the other hand, she was actually looking forward to explaining it to her faithless father and that slut he'd picked up before her mother was even in the ground. Scandalizing him with her own happy and lusty marriage sounded wickedly entertaining. She wasn't a filthy _cheater_. She was honest and sincere and needed them and was never going to lie to _any_ of them...

Wait, what was that? She shook her head. _Focus, Soryu._ "I... I hope there's a video, too. Some explanation for this would be nice. Since it's even more complicated than you think, Hikari."

"Hmmm? How? I mean, I'm happy for all four of you."

"We didn't have a double wedding. We had _one_."

Hikari blinked at her. "I don't-"

Rei stepped up between Asuka and Shinji, pulling Kaworu along with her. Making sure he was tucked in right behind her, she let go of Kaworu long enough to snake one arm around Shinji's waist and lay her head on Asuka's shoulder. " _We_ got married," she declared softly but firmly, a tiny smile on her lips.

All four of them held up their left hands.

Hikari's eyes bugged out. "You got... wait, _all four of you_? Together?! How the Hell did that happen?"

"We were hoping you could tell us," Kaworu said. "None of us remember even leaving this hotel. The working theory is that this is all Misato's fault somehow. What you've told us seems to bear that out."

"It, ah... I guess it is?" Hikari visibly struggled to collect her wits. "I can't believe all _four_ of... um, alright. Well, we were all here, drinking, having a wonderful time, when um... Touji and I got a little excited. I mean, yes, we'd been planning this official engagement for almost two years, but really having it _happen_ was... we couldn't help it. I told Touji I hated the wait. Misato said I 'needed to get fucked, in the worst way', and when I told her that nothing was going to make me break my promise to my mother to wait until I was married, she pointed out this was a city famous for 24-hour no-waiting wedding chapels. It... sounded like the greatest idea ever, at that point."

"I think it was the 'Romulan Ale' Misato had us all drinking," Touji mumbled. "I think that stuff was _powerful_. I think I would have agreed to just about anything at that point, as long as Hikari kept kissing me. I dunno what was in that stuff, but once we started drinking that, everything got reeeeeally fuzzy."

"So I said 'let's go!' And we all went! We found a jewelry store a few kilometers away, hit the downtown county office for the license, found the chapel a few kilometers on, and Misato organized us into a wedding party!" Hikari giggle again. "And ta-daaaa, one hour later I was _Mrs. Hikari Suzuhara_!"

"So how does that explain us?" Shinji asked.

Hikari shook her head. "I have no idea. You were all still single when I left! Touji and I departed right after the official said 'man and wife', because I have been waiting _five damn years_ to be properly married so I can finally fuck my husband, and I was not waiting one second more than I had to." Her eyes went misty. " _So_ worth it."

"Was Misato-san still there with us too, when you left us?" Shinji asked.

"Yes, she and Kaji were there, laughing and cheering the whole time."

"Was this the establishment, Hikari?" Rei said, producing their sheaf of marriage certificates and receipts from her handbag.

Hikari took them and shook her head in amazement. "Yes, this is it. The Chapel of the Flowers. We used the Crystal Gardens chapel." She handed Rei back the papers. "I take it you're heading there now to... find out what happened?"

Rei nodded. "Yes. We will have to be circumspect, however. If the Chapel staff become convinced we were intoxicated beyond ability to remember at the time they performed the ceremony, they may be forced to determine it was invalid," she said calmly. Her voice hardened. "I do not wish this to happen."

Touji rubbed his eyes. "You... want to have this be a thing? I mean, you're not going to, uh... fix it?"

Rei tapped one slender finger on the tattoo under her eye. "No. I have been marked and claimed and held, as have they. We are bound, hearts and souls, by love and by will until the end of us all." She looked contemplative for a moment. "Also, I do not wish to give up the pleasure of Shinji's _enormous_ co-"

Kaworu clamped a hand over Rei's mouth. "Compassion. She was going to say compassion," he improvised.

Rei pried his hand away. "Kaworu's too." She too looked smug.

"We're not 'fixing' anything for at least 96 hours after the fact," Asuka pointed out. "No divorces or annulments allowed in that time frame, according to the same current law that even allows for the four of us to be married in the first place."

"But we fly back to Japan in-" Hikari started to say.

"We _know_ ," Asuka cut her off. "And that's without touching on the fact we still don't know what the Hell we were thinking, or how," she looked at Rei, who was now snuggling up against Kaworu's chest, still smiling smugly, "opinions are divided on if we even _want_ to... 'fix this'. And as Rei pointed out, we've all got each others' names tattooed all over us."

"What, really? All of you?"

Asuka felt dainty, familiar hands take her by the shoulders and turn her around, putting her back to Hikari. Rei's hand then grabbed Asuka's shirt at her beltline and pulled it up. "Yes," Rei said, "Observe. Is it not beautiful? Shinji and Kaworu's are over their hearts."

"Rei!" Asuka tugged her shirt back down and spun back around to hide her back. "Don't just go flashing me at Hikari, her gorilla, and everyone else in the lobby!"

Rei did manage to look contrite. "I am sorry, Asuka," she said apologetically. I am just giddy at the prospect of showing off our marks to everyone. You are all mine." She turned Asuka's head enough to kiss her softly. "As I am yours."

"Gleeble!" Asuka protested.

"Wow... I... I didn't know you were _that_ close, Asuka," Hikari said, flushing red.

"The Red Demon and Rei Ayanami are kissing. I think being married has affected my brain," Touji said vaguely. His eyes glazed over again. "Hikari, can we go back upstairs and be married again some more?"

"I... maybe we should go with them? I mean, we didn't get our video either," Hikari said. "Either way, I'm going to have to lean on you. After last night, my legs are more wobbly than flan in an earthquake."

"How did you get down here, if so?" Kaworu inquired.

Hikari smugged again. "My strong and virile husband carried me down from our room for breakfast. _Bridal carry_ , in fact."

"Hikari is cuddly," Touji nodded. He smiled agreeably at everyone.

"I think you literally fucked his brains out, Hikari," Asuka smirked.

"Don't need brains. Being married is awesome. I am so pregnant," Touji... argued?

"Touji, buddy, I assure you, you're not pregnant," Shinji tried. "You are anatomically ill-equipped."

"Then we'll have to try harder. I want Hikari's babies."

Kaworu patted Shinji on the shoulder. "I think he's still in shock, Shinji. Just let him be happy. It's not as if we all don't feel nearly as, ah... unmoored from our normal states of mind this morning, no?"

"I... guess? I don't know. I feel weirdly... at ease," Shinji said, covering Kaworu's hand with his own. "Because I've got you, Rei, and Asuka, I think. I'd be flailing all over if I didn't."

Kaworu smiled back and started to lean in for a kiss. He hesitated at the last moment, looking the question at Shinji if it was ok to do this in public.

" _Gott_ , you two are so cute..." Asuka murmured. "I mean, ahem! Let's get a taxi and go find out what happened! We've got a mystery to solve, Misato to track down, and then we blame her for all of this mess." She paused. "Finish that kiss first, though." She coughed into her hand. "Please."

As Shinji and Kaworu happily obliged her, Rei turned to Hikari. "You are taking our situation far more calmly than I feared you might, Hikari. I was concerned you would find our unorthodox status... objectionable. You do have a bit of a reputation about strictness over 'traditional values'."

"You mean I was a raging prude who once blew up at the impropriety of Shinji and Asuka merely living together?" Hikari smiled. "Well, two things, Rei. First, however weird it might be, you're all as married at Touji and I, and that covers a lot of 'sin'. Second, I am so mellow right now I'm nearly Zen. I might get more uptight about it later when I come down, but I promise I'll try not to. But right now, I am _fine_."

She finished the last of her coffee and patted Touji on the hand. "I think you'll have to carry me to the taxi stand, dear. Let's go help them find out what happened to them last night after we left."


	3. Chapter 3

.

 **Evangelion: The Hangover pt 3**

.

* * *

.

"I'm glad you talked me into that minivan for our rental, Kaworu."

"I knew we'd need the space, Shinji," Kaworu smiled. He bit his lip for a moment, then sidled a little closer to Shinji and took his hand as they walked.

Shinji jumped slightly, but quickly relaxed. No one was really staring at the two young men walking hand-in-hand through the nicely air-conditioned lobby of the hotel-casino as they headed for the parking garage. Shinji started to sweat anyhow. "Kaworu?"

"I... want to... show off," Kaworu replied haltingly. "I am still confused as to how this came about, but I am... happy? I... Shinji, you know I have... loved you since I arrived, yes? But... anyone could see you and Asuka were something only a fool would interrupt. So I didn't. But... the idea that I could be _added_ to your pairing was... I wish I'd thought of it before. Beyond wild dreams, I mean."

Shinji tried not to blush too much. Kaworu's hand in his was warm and strong, the surprising strength of another musician's fingers easy to feel. "I... um... I kind of noticed, yeah. How you... liked me. You know how I'm... bad at... _believing_ that, though. Asuka had to practically tackle me to the floor the first time we... er... got serious. And I wasn't much better with Rei. You... come on, a third person who liked me? And... it took nearly a straight liter of sake before I could admit I wanted to kiss you, remember? If Asuka hadn't dared me to, I probably would still have chickened out."

"I'm glad you did not..." Kaworu's smile was _almost_ perfectly innocent. Only someone who'd known him for years could spot the wicked edge to it. "I found Rei was right. Kissing someone you love is... different. And sex even more so."

Shinji did blush this time. It had taken a couple of years of intermittent intimacy before he'd even admitted to Asuka alone that he found men attractive too. Or at least Kaworu. He'd never felt too much pull towards other men. Not like the one he'd felt for his gray-haired friend, anyway. Asuka, happily, had found the news more arousing than shameful, the latter being something he'd feared. She'd happily bragged about Europe's 'more enlightened' attitude about it. Shinji had rebutted with a simple look in the direction of Asuka's surprisingly extensive collection of _Japanese_ yaoi manga. She'd retaliated by grabbing a hold of his groin and starting to whisper how she'd like to see him and Kaworu together, and the discussion had wandered from there. Still, actually acting on the attraction, or admitting it to anyone else had waited until that very drunken birthday party last year. He'd never minded that Asuka and Rei had always been there when they did, eagerly watching and cheering.

Hell, both girls had been firmly encouraging. Everyone knew Rei was a considerable voyeur, but Asuka... she'd been whispering in his ear the entire time he and Kaworu had first... gone further. Whispering how hot she found it... but also whispering encouragement. _Emotional_ encouragement. Telling him not to be afraid of admitting you liked someone, not to fear showing it, that she and Rei would never mock him for it.

And yes, sex with Kaworu had been... as intense and exciting as he'd imagined. Asuka being there, whispering in his ear, had quieted his fears even more than the alcohol had numbed them. The morning after, waking up next to the man who'd done his best to be Shinji's friend from the day they met, despite the darker whispers of the Call, Shinji hadn't felt any of the shame or regret he'd feared. Only warmth that both Kaworu and Asuka had been as happy with the night as he was.

Right up until Kaworu's weakness to hangovers had reared it's head, and he'd fled the room in haste for the bathroom. Kind of like this morning, really. ...Except for the part where Kaworu was now apparently his husband. That did start his legs trembling, and more sweat rolling down his temples than the mere heat of the Las Vegas sun on the parking garage could account for. Husband. And his _two_ wives were right behind them. He... was he _allowed_ to be this happy?

That exact insecurity had cause more than one breakup between him and Asuka. Sometimes, the better things were going, the less Shinji felt like he was worth it, like Asuka could do better than him, and that always led to him withdrawing from her right when they were getting closer than ever, and ta-da, breakup again. Made worse each time by the way it was triggered by Asuka lowering her walls a bit more. She hated the way him doing that hurt her, he hated _himself_ for hurting her... There were reasons that they'd taken five years to reach this point, despite how much they loved each other.

And now here he was, walking along holding his _husband's_ hand while his wives, plural, watched the two of them with smiles. He wondered if this was some attempt by his subconscious to 'go berserk' on its own and try to overload his insecurity until it surrendered. He wasn't sure if he deserved this, but it looked like Rei wanted it, Kaworu was content with it, and Asuka... She'd been overjoyed when he'd said 'I think we got married.' And he wanted her to be happy more than anything. Was their happiness with this enough to override his fears of reaching for it? They'd all four of them been the closest of friends and lovers for years. Could he... could he do this? For them?

He shook his head. Maybe the... gulp... wedding video would reveal some answers. The address wasn't far away. Even in Las Vegas Traffic, they'd be there quickly once they got in the...

"Dude, where's my car?"

Kaworu looked at the empty parking spot in the vast garage. "Where's your car, dude?"

"Dude, _where's my car?_ " Shinji repeated.

"Shin-dude, the car is missing!" Touji belatedly observed. In his arms, Hikari looked around in confusion.

Their suite, for a small additional fee of course, came with a reserved parking spot in the attached parking structure, right near the elevators. The last Shinji could _remember_ , they'd parked the nice, new-model Honda minivan right there the day before. Right now, however, the spot was entirely devoid of cars, trucks, minivans, limousines, or even scooters.

"Shinji, where's the car?" Asuka joined in.

"I... I have no idea. We left it here... last I can remember." Shinji dug the keys out of his pants pocket and tried clicking the fob. No locating beep returned.

Rei walked past them and examined the spot from close up. "Dude, there is no car."

"Rei, since when do you use 'dude'? I expect that from the boys, not you," Asuka said wryly.

"I wanted to participate." She knelt down. "I believe I have data."

"Eh? What have you got, Rei?" Asuka walked over to see what Rei had picked up.

"It appears we left ourselves a message as to the disposition of our vehicle, and left it pinned here under a small rock," Rei said calmly. She examined the small scrap of paper.

Asukan looked over at Rei's shoulder at it. "It's... a drunken doodle of a car on top of a... house?" She looked at Kaworu and Shinji. "Ok, which one of you two drunken ninnies did this? I call 'not it'. And what the _flurgen_ is this supposed to tell us?"

"We... parked the car on the roof?" Kaworu guessed.

"Why wouldn't we park it here?" Shinji asked.

Asuka held up the paper. There was indeed a sloppy, ball-point pen drawing of something that vaguely resembled a car sitting on the roof of a cartoonish rendering of a house, right down to a chimney with a little curlicue of smoke coming out of it. "This is all I'm working with, baka. You tell me. You've still got the keys. You were therefore probably the driver."

"Er... Shall we go to the roof deck and see if it's there?" Kaworu suggested.

For lack of a better idea, the group headed up the stairs to the top floor of the parking garage. There were few cars on the top deck while there were still spaces open lower down and in the shaded floors, but none of them proved to be the missing rented minivan.

Asuka surveyed the handful of non-minivans in sight with a frown. She spun around to glare lightly at Shinji. "No car. Next bright idea?"

Shinji frowned back. "How should I know?" he grumbled. The hangover and the blazing sun overhead were making him irritable. "I may have the keys, but we can't remember getting _married_ , which is just a little more significant than 'where did we park?', so I think not knowing how to interpret a drunken doodle is forgivable!" He held up the keys and clicked the fob again.

There was a very faint 'beep-beep' from far overhead.

The quartet and the couple blinked at each other before slowly looking up in unison.

Far, far above them, the main tower of Caesar's Palace loomed over the parking garage. Shinji clicked the key fob once more, and was rewarded by another faint 'beep-beep' coming from the top.

"The car..." he said slowly.

"...is on the roof," Asuka finished, equal disbelief in her voice.

"This was an excellent note," Rei observed. "Concise and accurate."

Kaworu rubbed his face with his hands. "Why did we... nevermind. I'll go take a look." There was a faint frisson of energy as he lightly flared his AT-Field, and he floated swiftly up into the air.

Once he was level with the roof of the casino, he took a look and shouted back down to them. "I found it. It's on the roof, alright. Hang on, I'll bring it down."

The Nephilim raised his hand towards the roof of the casino. A moment later their missing minivan appeared, floating gently through the air on another AT-Field. Kaworu drifted downward alongside it, letting it settle to the concrete of the parking garage with hardly a bounce.

The other three stared at it. "Um..." Shinji said slowly. "Why..."

"...is there a bear in the driver's seat?" Asuka finished again.

"Ah, good morning, Mrs. Growlski!" Rei said, in what passed for brightly from her.

The other three slowly shifted their stares to Rei. "Rei... how did you... 'Mrs. Growlski'?" Shinji asked.

"She's wearing the pink fez. That's how you tell them apart."

"Rei, how do you _know_ that?"

"I don't know."

"That just raises _further_ questions!" Kaworu protested.

The polar bear blinked awake and gave them all a suspicious squint. She rolled the window down and growled and harrumphed at them for a moment.

"Yes, that's probably a good idea," Rei said. She turned to her spouses. "She's offering to do the driving if we're going somewhere, since she's betting we're all either still drunk or really hungover."

The wind blew a small tumbleweed across the garage's sunlit roof.

"Rei," Asuka said carefully, "Since when do you speak 'bear'?"

Rei gave a tiny smile and shook her head. "I don't speak 'bear', Asuka. That would be silly. I speak decent Russian, though. And Lieutenant and Mrs. Growlski are from Siberia, of course." Rei walked over to the minivan, opened the passenger door, and got in. "I will sit up front and help navigate."

Shinji and Kaworu shared a glance. "When did you learn Russian?" Shinji asked.

"Last year. I developed a taste for numerous Russian porn sites, and available translations were poor or nonexistent." She pulled a pair of sunglasses out of the sun visor and put them on. She looked out at the rest. "I believe the appropriate quote here is 'get in, losers, we're going cruising.'" She waved at the back of the van.

"I guess that explains why Rei got really into vodka that year. This day just keeps getting stranger," Kaworu said, shaking his head. He opened the side door and got in the back row.

.

* * *

.

Asuka gave her friend an apologetic look. "I'm really sorry we can't remember your wedding, Hikari."

The brunette shrugged. "That's what the video is for, I suppose. And I'm pretty sure we're still going to do a traditional Japanese one once we're home, so our families can come. _I_ am sorry I missed yours entirely! I was expecting to be your maid of honor since about 2016! Well, me or Rei."

"Does it bother anyone else that the _polar bear_ is driving?" Shinji said worriedly.

"And where did she get the spare keys?" Touji added.

"Take the next left," Rei told the driver. She turned back to look at Shinji. "Better her than us, I think. You are all quite hungover, and I might still be slightly intoxicated."

"This remains extremely unfair," Kaworu muttered. Even the mild motion of the car through traffic was making him look green and nauseous. "I always have the worst hangovers."

"Yes, but you are a very happy and snuggly drunk, and utterly amazing in bed when you're well lit," Rei replied without missing a beat, still totally deadpan. "Flexible, too."

Hikari covered her mouth, partly smothering a laugh. "Rei, I think you are still a little drunk. Your verbal filters go right out the window when you are, and you're sounding like that now."

"I'm also affected by the sheer emotional overload of the morning. I am quite giddy at the prospect of being married to the three people I love the most in the world, and have extensive, regular, and extremely fulfilling sexual encounters with in addition to less directly active periods of pure emotional intimacy. I am currently experiencing the most fascinating combination of arousal and romantic joy. I would prefer that this state last as long as possible."

Hikari blinked. Rei had said all that with no change of tone or expression. "Um... good to hear, then? I take it you are, ah... one vote for staying married, and not trying to undo this?"

"Quite. I postulate that the tattoos may have been my idea, since they help underline the permanence."

"You sure? I mean..." Hikari looked at the others. "A.. four-way marriage? That... well, it might be legal here, but back home it's going to get a lot of funny looks."

"I have blue hair, red eyes, am part space alien, and am already globally famous for my part in the Angel War and the defeat of SEELE. I submit to you that state of affairs makes any additional worries about being stared at moot."

"...point," Hikari conceded. "I just... mostly figured it was going to be you and Kaworu one day, right along with Shinji and Asuka. Not... this."

"I am happy. Among other things it means I do not have to cease sexual relations with any of them, or combinations thereof. I can continue this, and deepen the far more fulfilling emotional intimacy as well. I with to do this extensively with all of them."

Shinji blushed. "Rei, filters..."

"This marriage may be a surprise, but I am content. I do not wish to undo this. I love them all beyond my ability to verbally express, and have for some time, Hikari. While I may not be able to express it to my satisfaction, I wish to spend the rest of my life trying," Rei stated firmly.

Hikari opened and closed her mouth a few times. "Well," she said eventually. "I can kind of understand that feeling, I suppose." She looked at Touji and gave him a kiss.

"Hee hee, babies," Touji mumbled happily, a goofy grin on his face. "What she said, too. Same for me."

"I'm pretty sure you're not interested in sex with Kaworu, Touji," Asuka snarked. "Or even cuddling."

"Nope. Just Hikari. Lots and lots. So married. Mweee..."

Mrs. Growlski harrumphed something more, pointing with one paw.

"We are here," Rei interpreted.


	4. Chapter 4

.

 **Evangelion: The Hangover pt 4**

.

* * *

.  
+++

Shinji was very grateful for the dark sunglasses he'd found in one of the minivan's pockets. Even with them, the ohgodsobrightithurrrrrrts sun made him wince badly as they all piled out on the parking lot in front of the Chapel of the Flowers. It did look vaguely familiar to Shinji's eyes. Obviously, if they'd been there last night and gotten married, according to the paperwork Asuka had in her hand, but it still felt weird to him that he could only get a hazy deja-vu feeling of having been there before when it was theoretically the site of the most important moment in his life since the day they'd averted Third Impact.

Mrs. Growlski harrumphed and growled at Rei for a moment as she got out. Rei nodded and closed the passenger door. "Mrs. Growlski will stay here and keep the air conditioning going so the car is cool. She doesn't like Vegas' heat," she reported as they started to walk to the chapel's front entrance.

Shinji and Kaworu shared a confused look before a simultaneous shrug as they fell in behind Rei and Asuka. Shinji put his arm around Kaworu as they went. His husband (!) still looked pretty green, and the sunlight and heat was hitting him even harder than it was Shinji. Kaworu gave him a grateful nod and a weak smile.

Gods, that smile always made Shinji's stomach flutter. And the feeling of being able to put his arms around Kaworu _in public_... Shinji gulped as they went inside and the blissful cool of high-powered a/c washed over them.

.

* * *

.

The woman at the counter looked up from her smartphone as the band of newlyweds approached. "Ah, hello, Mrs. Soryu-Ayanami! Great to have you and your spouses back so soon! You too, Mister and Misses Suzuhara. I'm betting you're here to pick up your videos? You all left in such a hurry last night, but I can understand why."

Asuka blinked. She looked again at the papers in her hand. She'd glanced at them before they'd left, but mostly just to verify they were indeed their marital paperwork and to get the address of the chapel. She hadn't looked at the details. But yes, right there in black and white, was her new, legal name and those of her spouses: _Asuka Langley Soryu-Ayanami, wife: Rei Soryu-Ayanami, husband #1: Shinji Soryu-Ayanami, husband #2: Kaworu Soryu-Ayanami._

'They took my name? All of them? I...'

Asuka bit her lip and suppressed the urge to grab one or all of them and kiss their brains out. Or cry. But neither of those were something she could let herself do right now. They were in public. And... reasons. Yeah. She shook herself. _'Focus, Asuka.'_

"Ah... you can understand?" Asuka began. "You'll have to refresh us. I'm afraid there was just a _bit_ of celebratory drinking afterwards, so we're all kind of hung over and blurry on something we all really wish we we're crystal clear on."

The young blonde woman smiled and nodded. "Ma'am, I've worked here for five years, seen hundreds of weddings, but I don't think I've ever seen any couple or more come through here that was as... as _joyful_ as you and yours were, or more in love. That speech you gave to propose to them all was... I swear, we had at least three couples and one trio sign up to get married today because of your speech. It was the most moving and romantic thing any of us had ever heard. I kissed my husband so hard that night when I got home..."

Asuka stared at her. "What."

The countergirl nodded, smiling broadly. "Actually, my manager said he wanted to talk to you when you came in to pick up the disc. He wanted to talk to you about seeing if we could use some of it in our marketing and advertising materials. We would compensate you and credit you, of course, but only if you wanted us to. We could anonymize it as well. We can understand if you want to avoid anyone making a fuss about your... unusual arrangement. Though you did um... shout to the entire parking lot 'HOLY SHIT, I'M MARRIED!' as you all left last night. Mrs. Suzuhara did too, come to think of it."

"What." Asuka was still frozen.

Shinji slid up next to Asuka and took her hand, massaging the back of it with his thumb. "Er... that's um... very kind of you, but could we see the video first? We're not really in shape for ah... detailed negotiations right now," he said to the woman.

"Oh! I'm sorry Mister Soryu-Ayanami! Yes, of course. I'm terribly sorry. We're all just... very excited by it. To tell the truth, the staff have been watching it over and over again this morning, showing it the morning staff who weren't here last night to see it. Please, follow me. I'll take you right to the video department."

She walked out from behind the counter and gestured for them all to follow her down the hall to the right.

"Asuka, what did you _say_?" Hikari hissed in her ear as they followed.

"I... I don't _know_!" Asuka finally managed, snapping out of her shock. "You don't remember?"

Hikari shook her head. "We were pretty drunk too, but I don't remember you making any speeches before Touji and I left, so it must have been after that."

"Were Commander Katsuragi and Inspector Kaji still here? Would they know?" Kaworu asked.

"It was probably her _fault_ ," Asuka muttered. "And it doesn't matter if they know or not. We're about to see it for ourselves anyway."

"I just want to know how much to thank them or blame them," Kaworu replied.

"Thank. Definitely thank," Rei said softly, smiling faintly.

Shinji let go of Asuka's hand and pondered the idea himself as they walked. How did he feel about all this, really? Misato _had_ been encouraging of him and Asuka as a pair, and more than once been Shinji's shoulder to cry on when he'd fucked things up and caused another temporary break-up with her. Especially the first bad one, where Shinji had been afraid that was it forever. Misato had been the one to reassure him Asuka loved him back just as much as he loved her, just that they were both bad at communicating it. She'd been the one to give him the courage to try again.

And now here he was. _Married_. To not just Asuka, but Rei and Kaworu as well. The three people in the world who had _said_ they loved him. That Asuka had been half-drunk, fully nude, lying on top of him, and blushing as red as her hair when she mumbled, then shouted it at him had only made him even more sure she was telling the truth. That Rei and Kaworu had said it more softly and sweetly as they held him on their own occasions had been very... them.

 _'Huh. In fact, all three of them said that to me while we were all naked, buzzed, and post-coital. And we got married nearly the same way. My love life is as deep and wild as it is partly thanks to alcohol. I think I can blame-slash-thank Misato for that one too,'_ he mused. His eyes were almost automatically drawn to the three backsides walking in front of him. They were all gorgeous, from Asuka's stunning, toned one to Rei's smooth, sweetly curved one to Kaworu's firm, mathematically perfect one. They all loved him and would happily spend all day in bed with him, and had more than once. And he now had official permission to do this for the rest of their lives, every night. All three of them...

Shinji Soryu-Ayanami became uncomfortably aware he was suddenly feeling very... compassionate. Oops.

He dropped his hands to attempt to cover the abrupt appearance of a tent pole in his trousers. The effort was doomed to failure. He could feel his cheeks heating.

Rei sensed his agitation, and turned to examine his face. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped before she uttered a single word, seeing his face. He could see her eyes widen, then flicker downward for a moment. A small but definite _smirk_ appeared on her lips. Lips she made sure to slowly lick after she made sure she had eye contact with him. Shinji swallowed, his blush and... compassion getting worse.

"You are... tense, my husband. This may be embarrassing," Rei whispered. "I have an idea."

.

* * *

.

A couple of minutes of walking took the group to the back of the chapel's office side. Rachel, the countergirl, smiled at them as she rapped on the door marked 'Video Department'. A moment later it opened, and she waved them inside.

Asuka blinked in surprise again. On the large screen over the broad video editing console and monitors, her own face was frozen on a paused video.

"Oh... oh my. Asuka, you look..." Kaworu tried to find words for it. "Asuka, you're _beautiful_."

The Asuka on the screen was frozen mid-radiant smile, a look of unfettered joy lighting up her face. She looked impossibly happy, her brilliant blue eyes sparkling at the camera over Shinji's shoulder. The Third Child's back was to the camera, so she was apparently speaking to him at the time the video was paused. Or possibly Rei or Kaworu, who were standing close to Shinji, all three of them facing Asuka.

It took Asuka a moment to tear her gaze away, her cheeks slightly pink. "I..." She coughed, her throat suddenly tight. "I take it that's my... ah, speech?"

The video tech, a Hispanic man who's nametag said 'Roberto', nodded. He looked shocked himself, suddenly face to face with the woman on his screens. "Uh... y-yes, ma'am. Actually, that's right after it. We were trying to capture the look on your face at that particular moment."

"That particular moment?" Hikari asked. "Because she looks so happy?"

"That's the moment all three of them said 'Yes', ma'am," he explained. "You... lit up when they did. Even more than during your proposal speech."

Asuka colored further. "A _hem_!" she cleared her throat again. "S-so I see. I... wait, _I_ asked _them?_ All three of them? And I made a _speech_?"

"Yes, ma'am." The tech hesitated. "You... don't remember? Uh... from the video, the entire thing was your idea."

"We got a bit drunk afterwards," Asuka mumbled. "And I bet some of the blame goes to Misato on both parts of that. I-...wait, where are Shinji and Rei?"

Kaworu, Hikari, and Touji blinked and looked behind them. There was a distinct lack of Children, First or Third.

"I... they were right behind us when we left the front, I thought?" Touji said.

Asuka massaged her forehead. "How do _both_ of them get lost in... agh. Kaworu, where are they?"

Kaworu smiled a bit and swept his eyes across the wall and door. He always did seem to enjoy using his powers at the command of his friends-turned-spouses. "I... there they are. I See them coming down the hall. They'll be here in a moment."

A patter of rapidly approaching feet sounded in the hall, resolving to a missing pair of ex-Pilots slowing down to a walk, their faces red and slightly sweaty. "H-Hi, everyone!" Shinji stammered. "We just got a l-little... sidetracked. Rei and I, um..." He looked at Rei, who was smiling enigmatically.

The bluenette sauntered over to Kaworu, put her hands on his cheeks, and pulled him into a deep kiss. She broke it off after just a few seconds, however, and turned to do the same thing to Asuka.

Asuka's eyes went wide as Rei thoroughly kissed her wife. Rei ducked her head to the side to whisper something in Asuka's ear when she ended the kiss, and tucked something into Asuka's right pocket as she did. Asuka's face was beet red when Rei pulled back, and she was biting her lip hard and panting.

"You can check if you want to," Rei purred quietly. She licked her lips.

Asuka emitted a high-pitched keening noise, closed her eyes, and vibrated in place for a moment. She gasped and sagged when it ended. She fixed Rei with a glare that managed to mix vengeful admiration and no small amount of frustrated lust. "I... am... _so_ going... to get you... for that... later," Asuka panted.

"Tonight, I am all yours," Rei said with a tiny smirk.

Asuka bit down on a groan and pinched her eyes shut. " _Stop_ that, you little minx!"

"Not for the rest of our lives," Rei replied. She looked at Kaworu. "Did I put a thought in your head, my other husband?"

The gray-haired Nephilim tore his eyes from where he'd been staring at Shinji. He swallowed. "Nnnng. Nope. I'm good," Kaworu said in a strangled voice. "I'm just going to... stand behind this chair for a bit."

Asuka grabbed Shinji's hand and hauled him closer. "Shinji, my dear, could you help hold me up for a bit? My knees are feeling a bit wobbly." She threw another glare at Rei, who continued to look like a cat that had definitely gotten a canary or two.

Shinji obligingly put his arms around her, and muttered something into her ear. Asuka's face softened a little. "Dork." She shook herself. "Alright, ah... Roberto? Could you start it... no, wait, back up a bit. Show us the Suzuhara's first, since we came for them first."

"Of course, ma'am." The tech sat back down and began pulling up the appropriate video. Rachel closed the door to give them a modicum of privacy to watch, but stayed around herself, apparently wanting to see the whole thing again.

.

* * *

.

 _14 hours before  
_  
"I can't believe we're really doing this!" Hikari almost squealed. "Oh god oh god oh god I've wanted this for _so long!_ "

"Stay cool, Hikari," Asuka calmed her. "I... _wow_ , that stuff Misato gave us is some crazy shit. I feel super-drunk _and_ totally focused and spober. I mean sober." She giggled.

"I _know_ , right?" Hikari breathed, her shimmery blue satin gown shaking as she tried to suppress her own giggles. "I can't stop thinking about how much I love Touji and want to be his wife _and_ just how hard I'm going to fuck his brains out once we get back to the hotel as a _married couple_!" She waved her tightly clutched bouquet like a wand and did a fairly good impression of Sailor Moon's transformation twirl. "Ta-DAAAA! Magical Fiancée Pretty Hikari is now Super Wifey Suzuhara! In the name of the moon, I will tie you to the bed and ride you all night!"

"Man, that blue stuff is _gold_ if it can make you talk like this 5 minutes before your _wedding_ ," Asuka snorted. She paused. "I want some more."

"I'm just glad it _worked_ ," Hikari said. "We were already drunk as lords... drunk as ladies? Eh, whatever. Point is, we were already shitfaced when Misato had that great idea. If we showed up here staggering drunk, they'd have turned us away! And I don't want that! I want my _husband_ right now, and I want to get _fucked_!"

Asuka covered her mouth with both hands and tried to muffle the sound. Misato had the _BEST_ ideas...

.

* * *

.

 _Two hours earlier than before...  
_  
"Jesus, Hikari, I know this is your engagement party, but leave _some_ of your fiancé for the wedding?" Misato snarked. The casino bar was scarcely quieter than the gaming floor, but it had fairly good, cheap drinks that went on their rooms' tab, and nice close conversation pits.

Hikari slowly and reluctantly pulled her lips away from Touji's, where they'd been welded for a good 10 minutes straight this time. She stayed put right in his lap, though. "I dun ~hic~ wanna, Mishato. I wanna suck face with him and shee if I can get him ta put his hand up my skirt agin."

"Uh... right here in _public_ , Hikari?" Shinji said. He didn't seem to notice he was still sitting so tightly between Asuka and Rei all three of them could check each others' pockets without moving.

"Oh, like _you've_ never done that before," Asuka and Rei said in stereo. They looked at each other in surprise before breaking into laughs and tapping their drinks together.

Misato just shook her head. "Man, you need to get fucked in the worst way, Hikari."

"Noooo, in the _best_ way, Misato!" Hikari giggled. "By this massive meaty hunk of my man right here! But we _can't_!" she moaned in sadness. Then she moaned in a... less sad manner as she wiggled on Touji's lap.

"Why not?" Misato probed. "You're both old enough, you're _living together_ back home in Japan, and this is your own official _engagement_ party. What's the trouble? You've got your own room, and no one here is going to do anything but cheer you on if you throw Touji over your shoulder, haul him upstairs, and make a man out of him."

Touji nuzzled Hikari's neck and gave Misato a sad smile. "She made a promise. And I ain't going to even go near asking her to break it. I love her more than anything, so I'm backing her up one hunnert perschent." He hiccuped.

"Promise?" Kaworu asked, idly running his hand through Rei's hair and tracing his fingers down her shoulder. He always was touchy and cuddly when the booze kicked in. Rei shivered in delight and tugged him closer to her other side.

"I promised my mother when she died... I mean, when she waz dying... I mean, when we _thought_ she waz dying, stupid SEELE bullshit..." Hikari said slowly. "Tha I wuddn't have shex with nobody until I was married. So we _wait_. Eben though I've wanted Touji for _years_. 'Cause Imma good girl."

"Yeah, but... you love each other and you need this, so maybe y'all should just quit messing around and get married already..."

"Mmm, that soundz sho gud, Mishato, but... the wedding hall we wanted izn't 'vailable until _December_ and we hav' ta _plan_ errything," Hikari moaned again. "I hate waiting... We've waited for _years_ already..."

"Wait!" Misato slammed her fist into her palm, jostling Ryouji as he tried to take a sip of his own Black Russian. "Waitaminute! We're in _Las Vegas_! The one city in the world where 'Hey, I need to get married in a big damn hurry' is _no problem!_ "

Asuka barked a laugh. "Ok, hold up there, miss Wedding Planner. Two things I need to mention first. Number one: Shinji is great in bed and he's sleeping with me tonight."

"Asuka, what does that have to do wi-"

"Nothing, I just like bragging. Number two: The least drunk one here is Kaworu, and I have watched him down at least six cocktails. And I mean drinks this time."

Rei and Shinji started giggling. Kaworu just stuck his tongue out at her and finished off his tumbler. "Seven," he shot back at her. "And you had no complaints when it was your turn last time."

"Shaddap. Anyhows, Misato, _none_ of ush are anywhere close to sober, or even good enough to fake it. We go near a chapel right now, and they'll tell us to go sleep it off first. This may be Vegas, but Hikari and Jock Stooge are high and dry until we all dry out tomorrow. _Then_ maybe we can talk about moving the wedding from 'this winter' to 'tomorrow night'."

Misato pouted at her for a moment, then brightened. "HA! Wait! Shows what you know! I've got _this_!" She dug energetically in her large Coach purse for a second before triumphantly pulling out a large screw-topped thermos with a NERV logo on the side. "Ta-Daaaa!"

"What the Hell is that?"

"Something Ritz gave me before we left. She just finished it. LCL-derived party fuel!"

"Uh... explain, Misato?" Shinji asked, taking a sip of his own drink.

"LCL-based, but mixed with some specialized additives and alcohol, it doesn't _exactly_ sober you up, but it makes everything _clear_ if you're sloshed, so you can think and do stuff if you need to _without_ losing your buzz! We can fool them all with this stuff, get Hikari and Touji hitched, and be back here to keep the party going all night! This _is_ our 'Vegas Cut-Loose Week', right?"

"I'm hammered, horny, and hugging more than one person I've slept with, so this all sounds like a _great_ idea!" Asuka shouted. "Hikari, sound good to you?"

Hikari slammed her own empty cup on the table between her and Misato. "Bartender, fill me the fuck _up_!"

.

* * *

.

 _Two hours later...  
_  
"I now pronounce you... man and wife," the minster finished. "You may kiss the bride."

Hikari threw her arms around Touji and kissed him harder than ever before. She tossed the bouquet blindly at Asuka, who caught it automatically before her yes-occifer-I-am-sotally-tober brain caught up to what her hands were doing.

Misato giggled and pointed at her from next to Asuka, where she'd been standing in as 'Mother of the Bride' to Asuka's 'Maid of Honor'. Across from them, behind Touji, Ryouji (Father of the Groom) laughed and Shinji (Best Man) looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to blush or go pale. He settled for staring at Asuka in shock and standing very still.

Asuka couldn't look away. "'You love each other and you need this, so maybe y'all should just quit messing around and get married already...'" she whispered to herself. "'We've waited for years already'..." Shinji wouldn't break the stare either... like he could hear what she was thinking... like always.

Hikari was still kissing Touji. With a visible effort of will, she pulled away from Touji just long enough to look at Asuka and Misato. "I... feel _amazing_. Did that just happen? Am I really married?"

"Yes, you are, _Mrs. Suzuhara_ ," Touji said softly in her ear. "'Til death do us part, for better and worse. We're together. I love yoUUU!" He looked quite surprised as his petite little bride hoisted him up over her shoulder and started moving surprisingly quickly towards the doors at the back of the chapel.

"Asuka we're leaving we'll get a taxi see you tomorrow don't wait up for us don't call we're going to be BUSY!" Hikari said in one rush as she dashed for the exit. "Touji, I love you~~! Mine mine mine! Heeheeheeheeheehee! We're going to get LUCKY!"

Rei and Kaworu just watched them leave with matching warm smiles. Kaworu sighed after a moment, took out his wallet, and handed Rei 1000 yen. The First Child took it with a small smirk.

"Lucky, huh? Hah! I can't believe we pulled this off! In less than 90 minutes, too!" She shook her head. "Ok, well, speaking of feeling lucky, you and I are buzzed, amped on Ritz's Romulan Ale stuff, and full of cash in Sin City. Got any ideas on what we should do next, Mister Inspector?" She elbowed Ryouji.

He laughed. "What, you don't think I can hear what you're thinking, Katsuragi? I'm feeling lucky too."

Misato snorted. "You already got me to marry you, _Mister Katsuragi_. So that's out, lovely as the thought is. Yes, I can hear _you_ thinking too. And I think that's a _great_ idea!"

"You, me, high-stakes poker, and our usual bets?" he smiled at her, a sharp edge to it.

"Damn right. First one to lose a pot loses their underwear. Feelin' lucky, mister?" Misato pulled him close and smirked at him.

"Never better, Misato. Let's do it. All night."

Misato mock-swooned. "Oh my, so lusty!" She straightened back up. "Let's hit the high-end tables at the Luxor. I'm feeling Egyptian right now." She looked over at the remaining ex-Pilots. "You all feel like coming to watch my husband fleece some suckers with his incredible poker face?"

"I think we'll wait here for a few minutes, Misato," Kaworu said equably. "I think Asuka needs to recover from catching that... tradition."

Misato smirked one more time and nodded. "Yeah, we all know what that means, and probably who. Maybe we'll have another round tomorrow night, ne? Hahaha! Keep ahold of that, Asuka. It's still got my cross!" Misato pointed at the familiar pendant she'd let Hikari borrow on short notice for the traditional 'something borrowed' part of the poem. She linked her arm with Ryouji's and they headed to the parking lot themselves.

Asuka didn't notice. She was still engaged in a stare with Shinji. No... they were drifting closer. Was he moving? Her? She finally broke the look, her eyes dropping to the bouquet still in her hands.

"You're thinking about it, aren't you?" Rei said quietly, putting her hand on Asuka's shoulder.

Asuka snapped her head up to meet Rei's gaze, her face less than a foot to Asuka's right. How had she gotten so close? When? Wait, she'd asked a question...

"Uh... I... no?"

Rei smiled sadly. "Asuka... everyone knows. It's alright. We all love you. You can do this."

Asuka looked carefully at Rei, then across at Shinji and Kaworu. "No... no I can't. You're right."

Rei looked confused. "I... but I said you _can_. Kaworu and I... we can See it. We know it."

Asuka shook her head. "No... weren't you listening? To what Misato said earlier? 'You love each other and you need this, so maybe y'all should just quit messing around and get married already...'"

"Asuka, that's what I'm suggesting you and Shinji d-"

"No. I've got a _better_ idea. Listen to what Misato said!"

"You and Shinji need each other, and-"

"No... _we_ need each other."

Rei's eyes widened. "Wha-"

Asuka whirled, a ear-to-ear smile exploding onto her face. "Yes! YES! That's IT! AHAHAHAAH! We can _do that_! It's in the rules!" Asuka waved the glossy pamphlet of _'So You Want To Get Married'_ they'd picked up at the front desk. "Look! Here!" She flipped it open and pointed to something on the second page. "Quartets!" she shouted. "It's legal here! 100% _legal!_ "

The other three Children exchanged a look. "Asuka, what-" Shinji began.

" _I love you all!_ " Asuka shouted again, joyously. "All of you! Shinji! _Everyone_ we know knows how much we love each other! We always have! We may be stupid and afraid and constantly hurting each other by accident but we _always_ come back to each other because we know beyond words that we hold each others' heart. I say your name at night when you're not there! I miss you even when I'm mad at you! I can't imagine life without you near me! You were the first, the one who taught me I _am_ worthy of love. And I will never let that feeling go. So... stand there!" She pointed at a spot near the camera, still filming.

Asuka threw her bouquet at Rei. "Rei! We may have started off at each others' throats, but it's amazing what saving each others lives a few times and saving the world can do to change that! And you've always been there for me when I thought Shinji broke my heart, or I did something stupid and thought I made him hate me... You've let me cry on your shoulder a dozen times, a hundred times, kissed away my tears when I thought there was nothing left, pushed me and Shinji back together when even I thought he would be better off with you... You believed in us and loved us when no one else would. I love you, Blue, and I'm not letting you go ever. So you stand... there!" She pushed Rei to stand next to Shinji.

Kaworu looked at her sadly, shaking his head. "Asuka, you shouldn't include me. I think this is just that 'Romulan Ale' stuff talking-"

"You SHUT THE HELL UP, Sparkles!" Asuka pointed her finger firmly at him. "This is _NOT_ 'the Romulan Ale stuff' talking! This is my heart _freed_ from all the fear and bullshit and lies and masks and _AAAARRRGGG_ I always hide it behind! So what if it took that to get here? This is truth and love and years of me being an idiot when everything I have ever wanted or needed right in front of me!"

She pointed at Shinji. "The perfect man, the love of my life, my partner in battle and in life! The one who loved me first, deepest, and makes me cry in the night because I can't believe he really means it when he says those three little words!"

She pointed at Rei. "The perfect _woman_ , the one who always believes in me and holds me when I'm weak! Who saved my life over and over when we fought to save the world! Yes, I admit it! I _proclaim_ it! I, Asuka Langley Soryu, love a woman! One, perfect, amazing woman! One goddess, who loves me back..."

She pointed at Kaworu. "And you... I've already got the perfect man, the perfect woman... so what else could a worthless ex-Pilot possibly deserve? You. You, Kaworu fucking Nagisa, the gift of Heaven. The Angel who fell to Earth and gave us hope when there was no light. You're my light-bringer, my fallen Angel, my heavenly messenger who holds the world in his hands and gives it all to us because he thinks he's nothing."

Tears started to trickle down Kaworu's face. "Asuka, don't. I... I don't... you don't lov-"

"Bull _shit,_ 'I don't love you'! Fuck yes, I do! Kaworu, I can see how you and Shinji are. I _revel_ in it. And I know you love Rei not one iota less. You think I will take them for myself and leave you out in the cold for our whole lives? Idiot. You're all idiots. _I_ decide who I love, and I have let no other man but you and Shinji ever touch my heart, you stupid, beautiful, impossible man. I will have no others but you. You love the ones I love, and they love you. I will neither forsake you or them. We are _all_ for each other. So you... stand... _there_!" Asuka shouted happily, pointing him to a spot on the other side of Shinji from Rei.

Asuka stood facing all three of them. "You can say what you like. 'This is just the night talking, you'll regret this in the morning.' Wrong. This is me speaking freely for the first time. Yes, the night has helped, the feeling of watching Hikari achieve her heart's dream... but all that has done is give me clarity and courage. I've felt like this for a long time. But you know me. Always afraid, always insecure, hiding my heart and soul behind a tsundere mask because I'm too cowardly to admit I need you all and can no longer imagine living without all of you holding me, loving me, being _with_ me..." She wiped at her own tears. "So put all that aside and do what I'm doing: listening to my heart for once in my stupid life. So I'm going to, I'm going to say this all and ask a question before the spell wears off and I retreat from it _again_ , running away from seizing the most perfect joy in my universe... No, not this time. This time I listen to what I've wanted for years."

She took a deep breath. "Shinji, Rei, Kaworu... I don't deserve you. I'm arrogant, harsh, selfish, stupid, and cowardly. I've been a fool for years, pretending I didn't want this. But I love you more than I will ever be able to say, even if I started now and did it for the rest of my life. And I plan to. I need you more than I'll ever be able to admit ever again, though I will try. I need you to stay with me, to make me strong and powerful and whole. I need you because I'm nothing without you. And I want you all, the three most beautiful, sexy, loving people I've ever known or ever will. You are my heart, my soul, and my world. I don't care if tomorrow we all wake up and this vanishes like some dream of mist and fog. I want this moment, now and forever. So I ask you, all of you, I beg you... will you all marry me, love me, stay with me, and be my husband, husband, and wife for the rest of our lives?"

There was five heartbeats of the loudest silence that chapel had ever seen.

Three voices spoke in harmony.

"Yes."

And all was right with the world.

.

* * *

.

 _The Present  
_  
Asuka stared at the screen. "... what... the... fuck?"


	5. Chapter 5

.

 **Evangelion: The Hangover pt 5**

.

* * *

.

 _The Present_

Asuka stared at the screen. "... what... the... fuck?"

She stood frozen in Shinji's arms, vaguely glad he was helping hold her up. Because her knees and legs had just turned to water, and without his support she'd have fallen on her ass already in pure shock.

 _'It... it was_ _ **my**_ _idea? The whole thing was_ _ **my**_ _idea? And they all said 'Yes'?!'_ her mind babbled. _'I asked them all to marry me and they said_ _ **YES**_ _?!'_

'...they love me.'

The sudden wave of emotion snapped her out of her shock. She was _not_ going to cry in public, damn it! Not even tears of joy, while she... she... she watched herself on video forming a square with the others, each with one hand around the person on their left, and one hand in the middle, together, while the minister asked them to recite their vows. While she watched herself give slow, heartfelt kisses to Kaworu, Rei, and Shinji that left them all breathless. While she threw her bouquet into the air with a scream of joy that sparked a matching smile on her living face.

"HOLY SHIT, I'M MARRIED!" her recorded self shouted to the world, linking arms with Shinji and Rei and letting Kaworu walk backwards in front of her, pulling her by their joined hands as they walked across the parking lot.

The video followed them as far as them piling into the minivan to leave before ending. Asuka had to blink rapidly when it stopped, and wipe futilely at her cheeks. Damn it. She looked around.

No one else had noticed most of them were in a similar state. Kaworu emerged from behind the chair he'd hurriedly adopted as concealment for his excitement and walked over to enfold Asuka and Shinji in an embrace. Rei was barely a second behind. Shinji's arms tightened around her as well.

"Asuka... I... I promise I will earn that. What you said," Kaworu mumbled into her hair. "I... thank you. I mean... I love you."

"A goddess, hm?" Rei purred in her right ear. "The perfect woman? That's impossible. I'm holding her."

She felt Shinji's arms squeeze her again. "Asuka, I can tell you're about to... do something you hate, and you've always known how I feel about you, so instead I'm going to distract you to help." She felt him burrow his nose and face into her hair to clear a path to the back of her neck.

Then he bit her.

"Rei, make a note. Experiment #4, wives are delicious," he said in his best dry voice.

"Duly noted," Rei echoed, matchingly deadpan. "However, I refuse to enter this data officially until I am included in the sample set and the sampler."

"Noted."

"Should I bite someone?" Kaworu asked, slightly confused.

Asuka snorted. "Gott damn it, Sparkles..." She started laughing, the tears retreating. "You are all idiots."

"Your idiots, Asuka," Shinji said happily.

A discreet cough from Rachel broke their momentary isolation. "Ah... so, Mrs. Soryu-Ayanami, you can see why we want to ask about using your ceremony's footage in our advertising materials? It's... powerful stuff. Can we discuss it while Roberto makes you some copies? Here or in my office?"

Asuka took a deep breath and got a grip on herself. _'It was_ _ **my**_ _idea. And they all love me back. Holy shit. Ok, brain, back in gear.'_

"Certainly. Let's go talk," she said confidently.

.

* * *

.

"I dunno what makes me feel kinkier, the video camera watching our every move, or this stuff," Maya said meditatively, staring at her glass of Blue Fuel.

"It is a necessity," Ritsuko said carefully, every word precisely enunciated with great care. This was due to her being 4 cocktails and two tall glasses of Blue Fuel in herself. "The first time we drank this stuff, we didn't remember a thing in the morning. This was kind of embarrassing, since you and I were naked, covered in glitter and bodypaint, and lying on the Commander's old desk in his office."

"Yyyeah, I _wish_ we could have gotten video of that," Maya giggled, a salacious grin on her lips. "It took _days_ to remember that all! Hee hee!"

She took a swig of her glass. "This is the _bests_ stuff. Energy drink, intoxicant, mental concentrator, aphrodisiac, and fertility enhancer, WOOO! I'm drunk, sober, awake, horny as fuck, and bursting with energy." She took another drink, emptying the glass, and put it aside so she could ineffectually swipe her hands at Ritsuko, who was still out of reach. "Sooooo stop playing with the camera, come over here, and make love to your wife, damn it. I want me some Sempai!"

"I'm just setting up the 3D mode," Ritsuko said. "I'm just about... done!" She threw off her robe, crawled onto the bed like an oversized cat, and laid herself down on top of Maya, eagerly fitting herself between the younger woman's legs. "And can I say it is _never_ getting to get old hearing you say that, m'dear?"

"Which? 'Make love to your wife', or 'I want me some Sempai'?" Maya teased. "'Cause I've got a schoolgirl outfit in my closet somewhere if your wanna do that one again..."

"Yes." Ritsuko dipped her head down to kiss her. "All of the above. And you better watch out on that 'fertility enhancer' part, love. The last batch of tests on _that_ procedure were all positive."

Maya's eyes widened. "I... HIC! I... the... the er..." She blushed. "The... chromosomal ones? Those procedures?"

Ritsuko nodded, kissing her wife and grinding against her. "Yesss it is. I can successfully combine your and my eggs with a little LCL magic and some cloning tricks, and get them to combine and quicken. We're only working with X chromosomes since they're derived from us, but..." She stopped, and looked right into Maya's eyes. "We can have daughters. And I very much want yours."

Maya closed her eyes and shivered. "Oh my god..." Her legs wrapped around Ritsuko's waist. "Now. Gimme NOW!"

"Yup, this stuff does _wonders_ for your libido and fertility," Ritsuko said with a grin, and ground harder.

Maya blinked. "Wait... didn't you say you put a few liters of this stuff in Commander Katsuragi's luggage as a present? Won't she and her husband..."

Ritsuko grinned wider. "She _did_ say she wanted to start on kids of her own, and that will help! She and Inspector Sexy are probably coming home preggers. So if we don't want to fall behind... tomorrow you and I are going down to the lab and starting a family of our own."

"That is the best thing I have ever heard. I love you, Ritsuko," Maya sighed. "Now... If I'm going to be a momma, I wanna get there the old fashioned way." She thrust up at her wife. "So, fuck my brains out. Now."

.

* * *

.

An hour later, it was a stunned but still smiling group that made it's way back out to the parking lot, several HD copies of their ceremonies in hand on both disc and digital formats in hand. Asuka had recovered enough of her brains to drive a hard and detailed bargain, ensuring their wedding would be prominently but tastefully featured in the chapel's advertisements for a long while. It wasn't as if they'd needed the money, so Asuka hadn't pressed on that front. The leavings of NERV and SEELE's accounts and technologies kept them in more than comfortable style. The addition of the chapel's payments was mostly a token, if one that made Asuka feel smug.

"Where next?" Kaworu asked, sliding the door to the minivan open, but turning to face them.

Shinji looked at the scrap of paper in his hand. "Well, the timestamps on the receipt say we went to the tattoo parlor after here, but... I think we know what happened there. So... lunch?"

Kaworu looked green. "Urp. No, please?"

"Oh, right, sorry," Shinji apologized. "Um... how about-"

He was interrupted by the roar of a powerful engine and the screech of tires as a silver Lotus Evora GT430 powerslid off the street and across the lot to stop right next to them.

A familiar figure threw the passenger door open. "Found you! Hurry, one of you jump in! They're right behind me!" Misato Katsuragi shouted at them.

"Who is?" Asuka blinked.

"The Russian mob! Apparently Kaji rolled the Hell out of one of them at poker last night, and now they're pissed about... Asuka, is that a _polar bear_ in the driver's seat of that van?"

"Yes."

"I... I... buh?"

"What do you mean 'apparently'?" Asuka said sharply. "You're being chased by mobsters and you're _not sure_ why?"

"I don't remember most of last night. That blue shit Ritsuko gave me was apparently hard stuff!"

"How did you know we were here, Misato-san?" Shinji asked.

"Tracers in your phones! I couldn't find you until just now since I've been dodging these guys!"

"Explains why they were in our freezer in foil, I guess," Kaworu put in.

"In our own hotel room," Rei pointed out. "Not precisely the most unlikely spot to find us anyhow."

The growl of several cars approaching at speed began to grow louder. Misato looked down the street. "I see at least three cars. Come on, one of you jump in and we'll get moving. The rest of you can... um... have the bear drive you along?"

Rei sighed. "Why?"

"Rei, did you miss the part about the 'three cars full of pissed off Russian mobsters'?"

Rei looked down the street herself. The three black Mercedes-Benzes were slowing just enough to pull into the chapel lot, but were still coming on fast. Rei raised her hand to point at them, and a glowing orange hexagon briefly flashed to life...

...one meter in front of the lead car.

The ensuing crash and pileup was rather spectacular.

Rei turned back to Misato. "Now... where is your husband?"

Misato tore her eyes away from the pile of wrecked Mercedes and bloodied men that had been her pursuers a moment ago. "I… ah, that's why I was looking for you all. I don't know. I can't remember anything past mid-afternoon yesterday, and I'm trying to track him down. I was hoping you and Kaworu-kun could do some magic and find him for me."

Rei looked around the city, her eyes becoming more red and shiny than usual. She pivoted in place, turning in a three-quarters circle before halting and pointing. "That way."

Misato waved Rei towards her car. "Get in, you can guide me while the others follow." She looked back again at the smashed pile of mobsters. "Guess we don't need to worry about a dramatic chase through the streets right now."

Rei opened the far door to the Lotus and got in. She stuck her head back out the door long enough to shout 'Следуйте за нами!' at Mrs. Growlski.

The husky engine of the Lotus growled loudly as Misato put it back in gear and headed off in the general northwesterly direction Rei had pointed. The older woman glanced at Rei out of the corner of her eye as they drove, in between looking in the rear-view mirror at the no longer pursuing mobsters. "So… why were you all at the chapel, Rei? Someone else planning to get married?"

"No, Commander. I think we have completed all necessary marriages yesterday."

"So what were you doing there, then, if seeing Shinji and Asuka finally tie the knot wasn't it?"

"We were acquiring video footage of the ceremony. We left last night without it, apparently."

Rei considered for a moment the happy circumstance that had placed her seated to Misato's left, and her facial tattoo on the far side from her Commander. The small smile on her face serenely hid her amusement.

"No sudden marriage impulses this morning?" Misato said teasingly.

"That is a correct statement."

"So what did you guys do after we split up last night?" Misato asked. She grimaced a moment later. "Or… right, you probably don't remember either, do you?"

"Our memories of last night are mostly blurs, yes. According to our credit card receipts, and the marks on our skin, after we left the chapel we went to a tattoo parlor."

Misato blinked and looked at her more directly for a moment. "Wait, tattoos?"

"Yes."

"Ah….where? And what?"

"Several. Shinji now has Asuka's name over his heart. She has his on her back," Rei said calmly.

"Aww… that's sweet of them," Misato said with a smile. "What about you? You get anything?"

"Yes. Among them, I have tattoos on my back I think it best to show you rather than tell you. Turn left here. Kaji's Light is approximately one kilometer east of us and..." Rei squinted, "some distance above us. Evidently in a tall building."

"Oooh, mysterious…" Misato turned at the corner. Ahead of them loomed Caesar's Palace. "Wait… Kaji's in our own hotel? Why isn't he answering his phone?"

"Perhaps he is still asleep?" Rei suggested.

"I woke up in our room with a splitting headache. He wasn't there," Misato said, confused.

Deciding speed was worth the money this time, they left both the Lotus and the minivan in the hands of the valet parking crew, and headed inside. Mrs. Growlski got a lot of stares and more than a few gasps and screams of fear. The security guards that tried to tell them they couldn't bring a polar bear in a pink fez into the casino were sent stumbling back away when Mrs. Growlski growled at them and flipped them off. She waddled along in tow of the Pilots instead.

Rei pointed upward, and they took the elevators to the upper levels of the tower.

The ride was at least faster than the old ones in the Geofront, if a lot stranger with a polar bear squeezed in with them.

.

* * *

.

It did provide a short period where Shinji and Asuka were relatively alone in one corner, isolated from the others by a wall of white fur and muscle.

Shinji fought down an old reflex to avert his gaze anywhere but at Asuka, and took her hand instead. He was comforted a bit by the way she was blushing as much as he was. They hadn't been like this in years. The old early days of their courtship, sure, they'd been like two tomatoes they blushed around each other so much at the merest sign they liked one another, it sometimes felt like Misato would never stop teasing them.

But now… this was different, unexplored territory. "I… I have literally _dreamed_ about this for a long time, Asuka…" he said hesitantly.

"You're hardly the only one, you know," she admitted just as quietly. "If _you'd_ asked _me_ at any point in the last couple years, I probably would have said yes. Half the time I pushed at you, I think I was… trying to get you to. It was always… you know how I'm scared of… being abandoned. It was always that hidden, niggling fear that you'd one day… wise up and leave that made me keep…trying to see if you really would stay with me no matter what. But… I've imagined a day like this too. Maybe not with Rei and Kaworu _quite_ so intimately tied to us too, but…" She paused. "Ok, well, the _bear_ is a surprise. As is… Mein Gott, Shinji, you all said _yes_. To _me_! I… this was my idea?!"

Shinji smiled a little less hesitantly. "Because we all love you, Asuka."

Asuka sighed out her nose and poked him in the forehead. "Yeah, well… maybe. But you still don't get it, do you, my baka _husband_? Why we're all here in the first place?"

He blinked, confused. "Er… because Misato said we had to-"

"No, you dummy! Us! All four of us! As a… foursome!" Asuka blushed harder.

"I… I don't…?"

Asuka hung her head for a second. "All these years, still a baka." She raised her head and stared at him. "Shinji, the reason Rei, Kaworu, and I are all here is _you_. We all love _you_ , you idiot. All of us may love each other too now, but what brought us all together in the first place is we all fell in love with you. Rei may have gotten him first because I had you at that point, but you can't tell me even _you_ missed that Kaworu has loved you since the day he showed up here?"

Shinji did look away this time, flushing. "Um… yeah, I… kind of noticed."

"And our favorite bluenette? The one you impressed the moment you met by volunteering to take her place against the Third Angel? The one who… Gott damn her sexy ass, the one who loves you _and_ me so much she made sure she never let us permanently give up on each other? The one who apparently is already 100% on-board with… with us staying married? You think she doesn't love your oblivious ass too?"

"Um… well… yes…" Shinji mumbled. He automatically put his arms around Asuka as she pulled him into a hug. "I… I can't deny any of this, Asuka. But why are you-"

Asuka rolled right on like he hadn't spoken. "And me. Me, me, me. The one who fell hardest and fastest and deepest, but can't fucking spit it out unless we're about to die or I'm drunk off my ass because I'm still a stupid scared little girl inside afraid to admit I cry most nights we're not together because the idea of a future without my Shinji scares the Hell out of me…"

She took a shuddering deep breath and buried her face in his shoulder. "I… I've been worried over the last year, Shinji, trying to figure out me, my feelings, and how this… how long the four of us could go on before something happened that broke this fragile equilibrium we'd all found… I… I wanted you forever, but couldn't imagine telling Rei or Kaworu they… they'd have to just watch you and I go off alone together. I never imagined we could do _this_ … and I… I… I think I'm with Rei. I think we should… I meant every word I said in that video. I can't _remember_ it right now, but I know it. I... want to keep this."

Shinji's arms tightened around her. "…you… you mean… stay like this. All four of us, together?"

She nodded. "I… Rei's there too. And… I'm pretty sure Sparkles is too. I… I know I am. Are you? Do… do you want to...?"

She could feel him shaking. "A-asuka... I'd marry _PenPen_ if that was a requirement to be able to stay with you. You're asking me if... if I also want to stay... stay with the two other people I love and love me? I..."

He started laughing. "Asuka, I may be the most blind, oblivious baka in the world, but I'm not fool enough to ever let you go, o-or Rei, or Kaworu... I... are, are _you_ sure? I... yes, I've... Kaworu and I have been... looking at each other since we met, but... you come first. Him and me, me and Rei, him and Rei, you and me... that's all something anyone can see. But... I don't want to make you have to... take him as part of a package just because-"

Asuka stopped him with a kiss. "Shush, you. Sparkles... He and I may not _yet_ be as gaga as the rest of us are for each other, but he's also the only other man besides you I have never minded waking up next to, and... I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the feeling of being between you two. Not just the sex, I mean. The... just being held by you both when I know how you two feel about each other. So... no, it's not 'imposing' him at all, okay? He's... He's part of us now. I can't picture him not being there. So that's that."

She looked him in the eyes again. "So... if you're ok with being at the middle of a pile of wives and a husband at night from now on..."

He laughed again, a faintly crazed edge to it. "Asuka... you always ask me the questions that make me wonder if I'm losing my mind... I've never wanted to let you go, ever. I was always just afraid to ask you to stay, because I didn't deserve it. If you're okay with this... then I am too."

"Also, I promised Rei I was going to screw her brains out tonight for that little stunt she pulled at the chapel with her panties in my pocket..." Asuka said with a growing smile. "And we can't let her get away with that, can we?" She squeezed him tight. "Our Rei needs a firm hand with this kind of thing."

"Our Rei, huh?" Shinji replied. "Kaworu and I to hold her down and you to have your way with her?"

Asuka smiled beatifically. "I love you."

The elevator binged. "Penthouse level. We're here," Misato said from the far side of Mrs. Growlski. "Let's find my husband."


	6. Chapter 6

Arg. This should have gone faster. But here we are! Finally! The last chapter of Hangover!  
(Though we may see more 'later days' bits)

* * *

 **Evangelion: The Hangover pt 6**

 **.**

* * *

Rei and Kaworu, similarly isolated in another corner of the elevator by Mrs. Growlski's bulk, had their own conversation on the ride up. Similar, if a bit shorter. And for given values of the word 'conversation'.

Rei rose from where she'd been kneeling, delicately licking her lips with a small, catlike smile. "Mmm... the best part of having two husbands is I will get to do this twice as often. As well as various other things that require two men."

Kaworu released his white-knuckled grip on the elevator's handrail and tried to uncross his eyes. "R-Rei... if you are trying to convince me to support maintaining this group marriage by pure sex, I have to admit, _it's working_." He hastily zipped his pants up. His arms automatically closed around Rei as she buried herself into his chest with a purr.

"Not intentionally, but I do find it is a persuasive additional argument," Rei said with only the faintest hint of smug. "My main case remains that we both love Shinji intensely, desire he be happy more than anything, and know that Asuka is the person who makes him happiest. He loves all three of us, but has not wanted to tell either of us that they are not 'the one', and so has held back from committing to Asuka. Ergo, the path of maximum joy for all four of us is this arrangement."

"I... don't disagree with any of that," Kaworu admitted, wiping sweat off his forehead. It had been difficult not to _scream_ under Rei's 'attention' there. She was very, very good. "But... I... Asuka and I..."

Rei patted his cheek reassuringly. "It is true, she does not love you with the same intensity she has for me, let alone Shinji. But recall she is just like him: she likewise has been afraid of ending things with me _and_ you if she and Shinji were to become a monogamous married pair. Or even just legally and symbolically excluding us by doing so. She is also aware of how we both love Shinji, and will not spurn you for that. And there is her speech in that video. She was sincere. I am fully confident she will be happy you are part of this, and come to love you as much as Shinji and I. We have... so much time ahead together."

Kaworu's face flashed to joy, but then clouded. "They're... still mortal, Rei. Are we?"

Rei gave a small shrug. "I am unsure. We age. I believe we _can_ die, if we wish to. And... we have decades, Kaworu. We have us, living examples of biological integration of the Fruit of Life. We have our loves. I think ensuring we do not have only a single century with them is sufficient motivation to dedicate ourselves to _carefully_ developing the Fruit for humanity at large. That will be a good life, yes?"

Kaworu snorted, and started laughing. Rei raised a trim eyebrow at him. He forced himself to calm down enough to answer her. "Rei... you just blew me so incredibly well I'm surprised I can still talk straight, explained why we should stay jointly married to our two best friends, and then topped it off with a statement you intend to defeat physics and entropy to create immortality for our loves and all mankind. All in the space of five minutes. Have I told you lately you are awesome and I love you?"

"Not in the last two hours, but I will happily accept the compliments from my husband," Rei said with a faintly arrogant, royal air that she'd definitely learned from Asuka. She also managed to put a lilt into 'husband' that shot right down Kaworu's spine and woke his recently sated libido again. Rei smirked wider as she felt him stir against her. "Ahh...the best part of two husbands, indeed."

The elevator binged. "Penthouse level. We're here," Misato said from the far side of Mrs. Growlski. "Let's find my husband."

The former Pilots fell into step behind their old Operations Director. Surprisingly, Misato somehow lacked the slight wobble to their gait the others still had from their hangovers. After a short walk down the hallway, Misato looked back over her shoulder. "Rei?"

Rei looked around, her eyes faintly glowing just a bit redder than usual if you were watching close. She pointed towards the elaborate double doors at the end of the hall with 'Presidential Suite' on the gilded doorplate. "There."

"Either my husband's been moving up in the world while I've been out, or someone's made him a guest," Misato commented. She rapped firmly on the door.

Nothing.

Misato frowned, and shot a look at Rei, who just nodded again. Misato knocked again, harder. "Kaji? You in there?"

There was the faint sound of movement on the other side of the door. "No one that name here. Go," said a thick Russian accent.

Misato's frown deepened, and her eyes narrowed. "We have reason to believe he's in this room, sir. Please open up."

"Go away or we call hotel make you leave." More indistinct sounds and footsteps moving away.

"Commander, if I might help?" Kaworu said, leaning past Misato's side. He tapped the electronic door lock with one precisely manicured finger. A faint zzzt of electricity and a miniscule flare of an AT-Field, and the door clicked open.

Misato threw him a grateful smile and pushed at the now unlatched door. It swung open on perfectly silent hinges to reveal a marble-tiled hallway and small foyer decorated in 'How Much Do You _Think_ This Cost?', but no doorman or anyone else in sight.

Misato reached under her battered but still screaming-red old NERV jacket and loosened her pistol in it's holster. "I'm not even going to try asking you to stay here, kids, but at least stay behind me?" She didn't wait for their nods before heading down the hallway.

Someone was ranting angrily in Russian in the room ahead. Misato beckoned Rei forward. "Rei, since you apparently learned Russian when I wasn't looking, what's this guy yelling about?"

Rei cocked her head. "He is demanding the return of his investments. And... threatening to have whoever he is speaking to 'talk to my friend Valera'."

Misato's lips pressed into a flat line. "And my husband is in there, isn't he?"

Rei nodded.

Misato drew her pistol and worked the slide. "Alright, stay right behind me."

She pushed the door open slightly...

...only to bump right into the back of the heavyset man standing right in front of it. "Ooops."

"Чё за?.."

Misato gave the door a huge shove and knocked the man over, stepping into the room with her pistol up. "Hi everyone! I'm looking for my... oh shit."

Half a dozen pistols pointed right back at her. "Да кто ты ваще такая, ёпт?" demanded the thin young man standing in the middle of the room. Right in front of him, handcuffed to a chair, sat the object of their search.

"Hi honey!" Inspector Katsuragi said cheerily in English. "I got a little held up. This gentleman here is Pavel Radontsev, and he seems to be the guy I beat at poker last night."

Radontsev swung a hilariously oversized .44 revolver to point at the group of NERV members coming in through the door. "Fine! Fine! Great! Have some more assholes come in!" he shouted in accented English. "Maybe _they_ will tell me where my property went!"

"You should all put your guns down," Kaworu said cheerfully. "I don't think Rei will appreciate it if you keep pointing them at us."

"Oh? Sure, why don't I just give you the fucking gold fillings out of my teeth, too? You want anything else, сука?" Radontsev snarled. "I did not drag my ass all the way to Verkhoyansk in the middle of _fucking winter_ to find them just to have some _stupid Chinaman_ steal them from me at poker before my buyer can collect them!"

"I'm not Chinese," Kaji noted.

"I don't give a fuck!"

Misato worked her jaw. "Ok... leaving aside that you appear to have my husband kidnapped and cuffed to a chair, _and_ that you're pointing a gun at me and my friends, exactly what are we supposed to have 'stolen' from you?" she said tightly, her own pistol not wavering a bit.

"My fucking _bears_ , you stupid woman! This little dick says he beat me at poker for them last night, which is _impossible_! Nobody beats me at poker! No matter how drunk I am! So until this мудак coughs up my bears, he's going to stay right here!"

"You _really_ should put the guns down," Kaworu suggested again. "Rei doesn't like people pointing weapons at us."

"Unless you're going to give me my bears, you can shut the fuck up too, сукабля!" Radontsev told him.

"Which bears?" Shinji said quietly from the back of the group. "Is this one of them?"

Mrs. Growlski shouldered her way through the too-small doorway and stood up to her full height. She growled something unhappy and surly sounding at the assembled crowd, several of whom snapped their guns to her.

"Господи Иисусе!" one of the goons said.

Mrs. Growlski rumbled again, louder.

"Mrs. Growlski would like to know where her husband is," Rei translated helpfully.

Asuka raised a finger. "Didn't we leave him in our bathtub?"

Mrs. Growlski looked around, glaring at them all. Rei said something to her in Russian. Apparently satisfied, the polar bear rumbled back at her.

Radontsev said something to Rei, looking confused.

Rei shrugged. "It's not my fault you sound like a drunken pig farmer from Bobruisk. _She_ speaks perfectly good Russian. Now, in English, please? My friends do not speak Russian."

"It's true, I really don't," Kaworu said, smiling. "And if you lost them at poker, doesn't that mean the really belong to Inspector Katsuragi?"

Radontsev purpled. His pistol snapped to point right at Kaworu. "Would you care to repeat that to my friend Valera? Valera! Your time has come!"

"I wouldn't dooooo that if I were you~" Kaworu sang, still smiling.

The pistol's bark was thunderously loud in the hotel suite.

In contrast, the hum of the orange hexagon in front of him was barely audible. The bullet hovering in midair still commanded everyone's attention.

"Тычёбля?!"

For the first time since coming into the room, Rei's face had a clear expression on it. Anger.

She raised her hand and pointed at the goon to her left. "Stop."

He collapsed in a splash of LCL and suddenly emptied clothes.

Her arm swung to the next one. "Shooting."

Splash.

"At."

Splash.

"My."

Splash.

Her finger now pointed at Radontsev. "Husband!"

Splash.

After two seconds as LCL, he was suddenly back, if naked. Then a puddle of LCL again. Then back. Then liquid. Then back. Then liquid-

"Rei, stop playing with your food," Asuka said dryly.

"Were you not even slightly worried?"

Asuka smiled at her. "With you _and_ Sparkles here? Not a bit. I know you'd never let anyone hurt us."

"Do I still get credit for dramatically saving my loves from danger?"

"Yes, you get kisses."

"Good."

Misato sighed. "Rei, put them back, please. I don't want to have to explain any _more_ insanity to the hotel or the cops as it is," she said, even as she stepped forward to fish the handcuff keys out of the soggy pile that had been Pavel Radontsev's clothes.

"I was going to, Commander. This was just a rapid way of neutralizing their guns and disarming them, since they will be naked, gun-less, and confused in a moment." She daintily stepped to each pile of clothes, removed the pistols, and placed the collection in a plastic bag she picked up off the table. "Like so." Rei waved her hand at the multiple piles of LCL-soaked clothes.

Suddenly a bunch of very confused and very naked men stood over them. "...это пиздец ваще..." Radontsev said softly, eyes wide.

"He told you not to point guns at us, didn't he?" Misato smirked at him as Kaji stood up behind her, rubbing his wrists. "Now, why don't you nice young men all sit right over here on the couch and _politely_ tell us why we shouldn't just hand you all to the Las Vegas Police Department?"

"Чооо?"

Misato rolled her eyes. "Orrrrr, while you sit down and recover from the sudden feeling of having your AT-Field popped like a soap bubble by an angry demigoddess, I'll talk to my friends for a few minutes." She shepherded them to collapse on and around the couch. As an afterthought, she threw the wet piles of clothes at them.

"Now... Rei... _'husband'_?" Misato asked with a smirk.

"That is what I said, yes."

"So you and Kaworu _did_ tie the knot after I left?"

"That is technically a correct statement."

"Ohohohoh! But you couldn't call me back to see this? I'm so sad!"

"It happened rather quickly. And it was not precisely my idea."

"Eh? So Kaworu asked you?" She looked at the gray-haired Nephilim. "Awww, that's sweet of him."

"No."

Misato blinked. "Eh? But... if he didn't, and it wasn't your idea, how did it go?"

Asuka covered her face with her palm. "Rei~"

Rei looked back at her. "But I'm having fun..."

"You could keep this up all afternoon, couldn't you?" Asuka tried to glare at her, but couldn't.

"Probably."

Misato raised an eyebrow at Rei, catching on. "You think you're being silly with me, eh?" She looked to Shinji. "Shin-chan, I know you're the worst liar in this entire group, so how about _you_ tell me what happened?"

"Er..." Shinji looked at his spouses. "Er... we got married."

"Wait, you and Asuka too?!"

"That is also a correct statement," Rei said, perfectly blank.

"I swear, Blue, I am going to spank you _so much_..." Asuka warned.

"This is not reducing my motivation to continue," Rei said impishly.

Misato's eyes widened. "Wait, you and Asuka got married? _And_ Rei and Kaworu?"

"Yes," Rei confirmed. She then jumped as Asuka pinched her bottom, but started to grin.

"This woman is impossible," Asuka grumbled.

"This would be among the reasons you love me," Rei said smugly, but subsided at Asuka's almost pleading look.

Asuka sighed, but turned to her old boss. "What she's oh so cutely avoiding saying, Misato, is... is... ah..."

"We got married," Shinji assisted. "All four of us. Together. And we aim to stay that way, Misato."

Misato blinked. "Wait, what?"

"Asuka and I had a talk on the way up here. We love each other, we love Rei, Rei and I love Kaworu, and-"

Misato shook her head. "No, no, I mean… back the Hell up to the part where all four of you are married? Did… Only Touji and Hikari were married when Kaji and I left last night! What the Hell happened?"

Asuka wrapped Rei in an embrace and buried her face in the bluenette's shoulder. "Sparkles, show her the video."

.

* * *

 _._

 _Twelve hours ago  
_  
Rei answered the insistent if erratic knocking at their suite's door but only because she was already up and getting a scoop of ice cream in the kitchen. She would not have bothered at all, otherwise. The other three occupants of the suite didn't even seem to notice the sound. To be fair, they were _deeply_ engaged.

Rei's sole concession to her state of dress was to wrap a kitchen towel around her waist before opening the door a crack. "Yes?"

Misato's face was right there pressed up against the crack. "Hiiiii~~~~ Rei! Quick, oppen zee door. I nid to stasch Kajiiiii~'s winnins wit youse faw. Faux. Four." Hic.

If Rei hadn't already been 200% intoxicated, Misato's breath alone would have done the trick. At the moment, all it did was remind Rei that she _was_ drunk, what that had led to, and what she was currently missing by being at the door right now instead of back in bed bouncing vigorously astride one of her spouses. "We are busy, Commander."

"It'll onlee taik a minnit! Iz scheecret! Nid ta hide it place they woan look. I'mma put one in yur room, and one... uh... need a place..."

"What winnings?"

"Kajeee's playin' poaker agin some Russki kid whu things he can out-poker Kajee, and out-drink _me_!" Misato said with a laugh. She pulled a flask out of her pocket and had another slug of the Blue Stuff. "Kajee's rollin' him gud! Took him for at leese $200,000 already, and made him lose his bearz!"

Rei stared at her. "Bears."

Misato appeared to think hard for a second. "AhHAH!" She smacked her hand with her fist. "We can putter inda car! Wait... no... they might schee her. We'll put de car on the roov! There, I ficshed it."

"The car," Rei said blankly.

Misato pushed the door open. "Here. You go get the keez and... Rei, why don't you have annee pantsh on?"

"I was in the middle of exceptionally emotionally and physically satisfying coitus, Commander. Can you come back later? You are interrupting-"

"This'll onlee bee a jif, Rei! I just nid youse to grab zhee car keez and... uh, some pantz, and follow me! I'll leave a note while youse getz 'em!" Misato grabbed a piece of paper and a pen off the table and began scribbling a note. "Dis'll tell erryone what's the planz."

Reluctantly, Rei acquired some pants and grabbed the key fob. "Why do we need to do this right now, Commander?"

Rei stepped back and blinked as the polar bear shouldered his way through the door and into the room. Misato directed him into the bathroom and handed him a bottle of vodka off the bar. "'Cauz bears hate waitin'. Now come on, we gotta put de odder one in teh car."

"This is interrupting my consummation, Commander," Rei complained as the door closed.

.

* * *

 _._

 _Thirty Minutes Later..._

Rei re-entered the suite, threw her pants off as fast as she could, and rapidly collected their phones before placing them all in the freezer wrapped in foil. She also made sure to carefully lock, bolt, and chain the door. Commander Katsuragi would _not_ be allowed to interrupt a second time.

She made her way back to the bedroom. Happily, things had not ceased in her brief absence. In fact, she seemed to have arrived at an opportune moment, as she got there just in time to watch Kaworu stiffen and shout in climax atop Shinji, then slowly topple off to flop at Shinji's side across from Asuka.

Rei smiled. "Is that for me?" she asked coquettishly, nodding at the still prominent display of Shinji's compassion.

Shinji blinked his own rapturously closed eyes open and smiled lazily, lovingly at her. "Yes it is, Rei, if you want it. I have to warn you, I'm... pretty close."

"That is perfectly acceptable, my husband," Rei purred as she crawled onto the bed and settled astride his hips. "Pretty close is where I want you to be from this point on."

She lowered herself with a warm smile, feeling completely fulfilled. "I'm home..." she said happily.

Asuka and Kaworu smiled at her. "Welcome home, _wife_ ," they said together. This made them grin at each other.

Rei began to move. "Home..." she murmured to herself, staring right into Shinji's eyes.

.

* * *

 _._

"I do," said four voices in perfect synch.

"Then by the power vested in me by the State of Nevada, I now pronounce you husbands and wives. You may kiss your loves."

A confused, joyful collision of lips and faces ensued, capped by Rei and Asuka squealing in excitement as Shinji dipped Kaworu for a very thorough kiss.

Misato stared slack-jawed at the 200cm flatscreen on the wall of the Presidential Suite. Without taking her eyes of the still fiercely embracing quartet on screen, she reached her free hand out to her left towards Shinji. "Beer me. Now."

"Ah, Misato… Are you sure-"

"Beer. I cannot brain this. Gimme beer."

Shinji sighed and opened the suite's minibar, extracting a chilled bottle of Asahi Super Dry.

Misato took it without looking, popped the cap off with her gun, and drained it in one pull. She sat staring at the screen until the video ended. "….Ok. So… you're all married."

"Yes."

"To each other."

"Yes."

"And… you're all… fine with that? I… How… what?"

"And it's your fault too," Asuka smirked. "You and your little line about 'You love each other and you need this, so maybe y'all should just quit messing around and get married already...' is what gave me the idea, apparently."

"Hey!" Misato pouted.

"I love Asuka, Misato. And Rei. And Kaworu. Half the reason Asuka and I weren't married before you and Kaji was Asuka and I were afraid committing to each other meant locking Rei and Kaworu out. So we just… hovered," Shinji said quietly, still attracting everyone's attention. "This… this is a solution I would never had dreamed of, or dared even whisper if I had. It took Asuka's courage and intelligence to see it and seize it. I will never be this lucky or this blessed again. Yes, we're keeping this."

Misato waved her hand confusedly at Rei and Asuka. "The… Rei… Rei and Asuka? I mean, I knew they were a lot closer since the end of the war than they started off but…"

"Asuka and I have been sleeping together off and on for over eighteen months, Commander," Rei said calmly. "And I love her as much as I love Shinji or Kaworu. She is my wife and I will not give her up."

Asuka blushed. "Rei! I… just… don't just _say_ it like that! Telling her we've been… um…"

"My wife is amazing in bed, Commander," Rei said with a tiny smirk. "And tastes good, too."

"Stop that!"

Misato tried once more. "Asuka and Kaworu?"

"I-" Kaworu began.

"No! You damn well stop right there, Misato. Yes, Kaworu! He makes my Rei happy. He makes my Shinji happy! And that right there _alone_ is enough for me to want him in this too! But you saw that video! And what he said before! I _know_ that beautiful, stupid Angel of mine would quietly back out without a whisper of protest if he thought it would make the rest of us happy to just be us three. And I will not have that happen. I will not let him trying to be a stupid, self-effacing dummy just like the others, putting everyone else's love and happiness ahead of his own! No way! How can I not want him too, the perfect, pretty, sweet doofus that makes Rei smile, that makes Shinji glow, that makes me love _him_ for being that way?" Asuka swatted at her now wet cheeks. "Gott damn you, Misato! You made me fucking cry and say it out loud! Yes, he belongs with us, _to us!_ He is a part of… whatever they Hell we four are, and I will not let anyone take him away from us!"

She grabbed the stunned Nephilim and pulled him into a fierce, almost desperate kiss. "You hear me, baka number two? You're mine and Shinji and Rei's, and you're staying married to us! Got it?!"

Kaworu just gaped at her, his face flashing through a combination of shock, joy, and incipient tears himself. "…..ok," he finally managed in a tiny voice.

"Good! Now go kiss your husband before I start bawling or something!" She shoved him at Shinji.

He stumbled towards Shinji, then shyly smiled at him, blushing. "Um… Y-you know how this goes, Shinji."

Shinji just nodded. "The Asuka has spoken. We must obey." He gently pulled Kaworu close enough to kiss.

"Er… I am very confused," Radontsev said from behind Misato. "But… can I put pants on now?"

Misato shook her head and looked at Kaji, who shrugged. "I don't think he's going to be any more trouble, love. Rei's kind of impressed on him the dangers of that."

Misato looked at Rei, who nodded. "If he becomes irritating again, I will put him in a bucket for a few hours."

"Nyet! Please! I be good!"

Misato shook her head again. "I need more beer. And more Blue Stuff." She took a flask out of her jacket pocket, and shook it. Her expression fell when it proved empty. "Damn it. I wish I'd saved some."

Hikari and Touji re-entered the room with Lieutenant Growlski following them. "We er... brought him, Asuka."

The two bears let out loud and happy growls on sighting each other, and smashed together in a huge, fur-and-claws hug.

"I thought this would be sadder, after that terrible performance with the dog at Medieval Times the night before," Rei said, watching them. "But this is nice. Lieutenant Growlski hit it out of the park."

Asuka stared at her, very confused. "Rei, what the Hell are you talking about?"

"For the mourning after a terrible knight, there's nothing like the dog of the bear that hit you," Rei said sagely, nodding.

Everyone in the room stared at her in silence.

"Rei," Shinji said slowly, "That was terrible. Marry me."

"Too late, already done."

"Marry me too," Asuka added.

"And me," Kaworu echoed.

"Alright, but you must take me back to our room and ravish me immediately," Rei demanded.

"Sold!" Asuka crowed, and picked up Rei over her shoulder. "Misato, you're on your own now, have the Growlskis eat anyone that acts up, yes we're staying married, and don't you dare bother us until dinnertime!" She began moving surprisingly quickly towards the door. "I love these idiots!"

"What... what Hell happened?" Radontsev asked weakly. He looked up at the Growlskis, who were glaring at him. "Uh oh."

"My kids..." Misato said, shaking her head again. "I should have expected this would happen. Vegas, man..." She looked at the unhappy bears. "Well... looks like, you, me, and the Growlskis are going to settle last nights poker bets. You got any problems with that, or should I feed you to them?"

"No! No! Is fine! We talk! All droogs, da?" Radontsev said hurriedly, waving his hands. He glanced at the bears again and swallowed nervously. "We make new deal on the bears, da? Good?"

Misato cocked her eye at Lieutenant Growlski, who shrugged. "Well, you can pacify me with the money you owe, but they might be harder to... bear."

Mrs. Growlski threw her fez at Misato.

"What? Where do you think my kids got it from? Eh?"

"This country is so fucking weird. I'm going to Monaco next time..." Radontsev said miserably.

Rei squeaked gleefully as Asuka tossed her onto the bed and began rapidly whipping Rei's clothes off.

"You, Blue, are such a terrible, wicked punster and tease!" she accused as she flung Rei's pants behind her.

"And yours. For our lives," Rei confessed, smiling.

Asuka shivered and began tearing her own clothes off too. She threw a look over her shoulder as she went. "You two sexy bakas, get naked too and get in here. I need all my loves up against me with all speed. I _want_ this now, and... and I need it. All of you."

"We all do, Asuka," Shinji said as he lay down beside her and ran his hands through Rei's hair. "That's why it took us five years to get here. This is too much for any of us to have believed before it was real. But we all kind of knew we needed it, didn't we?"

"Agreed," Kaworu said from Asuka's other side. "I would not even have imagined this before. This is... we have done foursomes before, yes, but... not like this. Not..." He pressed himself against Rei's side, put one arm up on Asuka's back, and the other around the top of Rei's head on the pillow to stroke Shinji's arm. "This. Us. Complete."

"And in 24 hours we'll be getting on a plane, and no one can take this from us," Asuka sighed, laying down on top of Rei. "Not ever."

"Yes," Rei nodded. "Now please ravish your wife, Asuka?"

"Little minx."

"I love you all."

-30-

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Well, that was a fun little crackfic, wasn't it?

Me go bed now.


	7. Chapter 7

I bet you thought we were done. Well, turns out, Hangover isn't quite done yet.

Boreas Anemos, a fan of A&T, was so stuck by Hangover that he wrote a set of omakes so good, I had to declare them canon, and then they inspired me to write another Hangover chapter to follow it. He's not done, either. I just proofread another 2 pieces covering days after their return to Japan, and I've got a few more ideas to follow.

So here we go, Hangover pt 7. Or more properly, 'The Four Of Us, 1-3', written by Boreas Anemos, not me, but included here with his permission to make it easier to fine. He's also got his own FFNet and AO3 pages, so give them a look too. He's got a very interesting new fic going, Two Souls, that takes on Eva canon from an unusual perspective: Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu's.

This is the compilation of 3 pieces into one, for simplicity. It covers the flight back to Japan for our new foursome, and arrival at home.

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* * *

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 **Four of Us - part 1**.  
 _Tale of settling in_

The flight to Japan from the eventful – and fateful – time in Las Vegas was filled with mix of residual excitement from the emotional overload they have been subjected to, worry about legitimisation on part of the newlywed quartet, thoughts on how to present the situation to their families from Hikari and Touji, and smug smiles on Misato's and Kaji part – that sometimes escalated into giggling, as Misato was clearly recalling some funnier part of their trip.

"Good to see that **someone** is not worried about anything," Asuka growled. While the worst of the hangover was long gone, and she was feeling rather good, there was no reason not to slide in a barb – especially that Misato was still all smug about the events.

Misato gave her an amused look: "Well, now you're going to learn the fun parts of married life: strange socks everywhere, things you left in known places moving on their own, toilet seat left up-"

"Oi, darling", up-to-now sleeping Kaji interceded. " **That** one is a slander, I never leave the lid up!"

"Yes, but I do. And you complain about it. Keep sleeping, **you** have the least to worry here", she grinned, he smiled back and returned to his slumber.

Asuka rolled her eyes at the exchange. "Misato, I have been living with them for a few years already. Really, I know it, socks, toilet seat, hair in the shower – mostly mine, I admit – and more. Believe me, Shinji is perfect in handling those little nuisances. Well, maybe except things moving on their own, because he imposes his brand of order all the time."

Misato looked at Shinji with a little surprise in her eyes. "That you like to keep your place orderly, I know. But imposing anything does not sound like you."

He raised his eyebrow on that. Misato was not sure whether she saw him fighting down a smile, or was it just a figment of her imagination. "I would not call it _imposing_. I just like to know where things are."

"Well, by this you essentially trying to force them to keep their own order, or have their things ordered as you see fit", she elaborated. "Not that there is anything wrong with that – except I already had that experience, I could find **nothing** in my apartment for the first few weeks after you moved in – and I sympathise with the sufferers."

This time, it was Shinji's turn to roll his eyes. "Misato-san… I was astonished you were able to find anything **before** I moved in. One of greatest regrets of my life is not taking photos of that place before I cleaned it up; they would be a great counterargument against most of your friendly comments."

Misato and Asuka blinked in concert and looked on one another, while Shinji maintained his deadpan expression. Finally, Asuka spoke: "I'm not sure whether it's my influence changing you, or Rei's specific brand of humour rubbing on you. Could be either, but I am guessing it's me – you've been in my bed more often, after all."

Shinji smiled, and Misato stifled a giggle; for a moment, she was pondering whether she should not be scandalised by that comment. After short deliberation, she reminded herself that while she is still dealing with "her kids", her erstwhile charges are adults, and – since that fateful night two days ago – married. Massively married. _'_ _Their life, their fun. I have my boy-toy and my life, let them have theirs.'_ Having reached that conclusion, she smiled, merely shaking her head at Asuka's usual brashness.

A silent giggle from behind had drawn their attention, making Asuka kneel on her seat and look back at Rei, who apparently woke sometime during the exchange and was listening in. Kaworu was still sleeping with his head in her lap, though, looking 'far cuter that it was legal in most prefectures', as Rei was fond of calling that appearance. "Do you wish to contest that claim, Rei? If you do, please share the scandalous details!", Asuka shot.

The bluenette shook her head and spoke in what passed for amused voice in her case: "No, I do not wish to contest that claim, my dear wife"; Asuka blinked on that statement, her head spinning a bit: _'_ _it will take some time to get used to that'_ , she thought. _'_ _But I think I like it. Somehow.'_ She shook it off, knowing that this train of thought will surely return – but she had time to deal with that.

"I just sincerely hope this imbalance of bed-time will be amended in the light of recent events and our… bond. Of course, I do not wish nor dare to deprive you of your Shinji-time", Rei smiled softly. "Therefore, I am devising a plan of an arrangement that will satisfy us all. And I believe I already have one in mind." Her smile went from kind and soft to… mischievous? This confused Asuka. _'_ _Is it even possible for her to plan mischief?'_ , she pondered. _'_ _She gets flirty, yes, but only when drunk, and we're still stone-sober.'_ "I shall share it with everyone once we are in more private environment", she finished with conviction.

"And what is stopping you from doing it now?", Asuka asked before thinking.

"Public decency law", Rei replied with her usual deadpan.

Asuka could only groan and sink to her seat. _'_ _Well, things have changed. Shinji is growing a spine. Rei is plotting – and I guess showing a side of herself I never thought she had… I wonder what surprise will Kaworu spring.'_ , she mused with a sigh.

 _'_ _And I did this to myself. Me. I told them I love them and want to have them all – forever. Gott, I guess my art of self-sabotage has reached another peak, tie myself down like that… Well, this time the advantages outweigh the drama'_ , Asuka concluded with a smile.

 _'_ _I hope'_ , her smile dimmed a bit. _'_ _What if…'_

She looked at sleeping Shinji's face; he was at peace. Nuzzling against his side suddenly seemed to be a good option. _'_ _No. Enough. I will worry about future tomorrow'_ , she thought while adjusting her body pillow to her comfort. Soon, she fell into best sleep she could muster under these conditions.

Shinji was woken by numbness in his arm. Quick look to his right confirmed the leading hypothesis – Asuka was clinging to it, fast asleep. She looked so relaxed and happy, he would rather gnaw the arm off than wake her up… and it seemed a reasonable option, for she was clinging to it so hard, that he suspected that massive loss of circulation had already occurred. So, it was either wake Asuka, or lose an arm.

This was **not** an easy decision. But it was one he had to make fast. Otherwise, by the time of landing, he would not have that appendage.

"Schatz", he whispered softly, moving his arm by a millimeter. Sleepy murmur was the only answer. "Asuka…", he pleaded a bit louder, caressing her back with the operational hand. This time, her reaction, while not really vocal, was a little bit more pronounced – she did shift her grip, which apparently unblocked some blood vessel, sending a wave of needles thorough the numb body part. He clenched and released his fist, trying to shake off the feeling. _'_ _Well, it is a temporary solution, but it has to do'_ , he thought, watching his lover – no, wife – closer.

Wife. A word that sounded so strange to him. A word he always knew now sounded… different. That word was never personal, never truly meaningful. A simple noun, a family relation that had nothing to do with him.

Now, that word had a face. No – _faces_. Eep.

 _'_ _I guess this is something that will take some more getting used to than I thought'_ , he mused again. He looked across his shoulder, between the seats. Rei was awake, but absent – she was staring out of the window and caressing Kaworu's head. She was smiling one of her soft smiles; Shinji could only wonder what thoughts caused it.

She and Asuka could not be more different in range of expression – Rei, while exactly as capable of emotion and feeling as Asuka, was one of hardest people to read; on the other hand, her feelings, once made clear, could be felt through her persistent actions: in hindsight, her long-present love and devotion was clear. Asuka, on the other hand, wore her emotions on her sleeve – and everywhere else, too – but was bad at expressing feelings. After all, it took her half a decade of mixed signals before she managed to spit it all out – and propose. Of course, when she did, she did it as everything else she thought worth doing – in an epic-proportion, grand way. He giggled at that vision: the grandeur of the speech, the facial expressions of them all, Asuka's eyes shining bright when they all accepted… that was an image to cherish. He would love to have his own memories of this, not just the recording. _'_ _Maybe they will come back. With all what happened there, another miracle would not be a surprise'_ , he thought wishfully before returning to his reflections on emotional ranges.

Kaworu was somewhere in the middle on scale of expressing emotions. He was more expressive than Rei – but far more soft-spoken than Asuka. Before all, he was curious. Adventurous, even.

Kaworu. A husband. **His** husband. Eep.

 **That** was quite another nut to crack.

Shinji had no problem with relationships and intimacy with men – at least since the possibility entered his mind and he gave it good thought. On the other hand, he did not find men other than Kaworu attractive… which brought his train of mind back on the boy – no, a man – whose head was now resting on Rei's lap, smiling to his dreams.

 _'_ _How it will look like now?'_ , he mused. _'_ _All the sex we had was in presence of Asuka and Rei… well, most of it'_ , he blushed at the memories and was suddenly glad Asuka's head was not in his lap. _'_ _I wonder how "marital duties" Asuka threatened me – us – with will differ from her perception of "boyfriend duties"'_ , he pondered, smiling again. _'_ _Kaworu… what are we now?'_

It was not the first time Shinji asked himself that question. His thoughts went back to the time when he was lost and confused – again.

 _Three months ago_

It was soon after another of the usual break-ups. He and Asuka had a fight; he could not even recall over what it was, even those few days later. Quite possibly the trigger was trivial and meaningless, and the argument simply occurred because some tension had built up. Predictably, the fight ended up with Asuka's _"_ _We're_ _ **done**_ _! Idiot!"_ , followed by her storming out of the room and refusing to talk to him. And relegating him to the old room of his, as well – by now he was so used to that that he kept a futon ready for that occasion.

Three days later, still ignoring him, she went out for a date with some random guy. Rei was away on one of her research excursions, and Kaworu was nowhere to be seen – he tended to forget to tell anyone where he was going to half the time. Shinji was alone, without a living creature to keep him company; due to their erratic work schedules and lack of consensus on what should it be, they never had agreed on any pet.

He sat in the balcony's doorway; the cup of tea he made for himself in a vain attempt to lift his mood stood there, ignored from the beginning. Shinji adjusted his position, felt a momentary resistance to his hand, and next thing he saw was the cup keeling over, losing its handle and spilling its already cold content on the whole balcony.

 _'_ _Great'_ , he thought, _'_ _I can't even move without breaking simple things, let alone vital parts of my life'_. He sighed and went for a rag to clean up the mess. _'_ _At least the floor will be cleaner. I guess this is a plus.'_

Having done the cleaning without much thought given to it, he returned to his spot in the doorway. The moon was rising. Its red tint reset his train of thoughts to Asuka – her angry face, her red hair floating freely and surrounding her like a battle aura of a mythical Fury…

He blinked several times, trying his best not to release tears. It was, of course, futile. _'_ _I guess I'm not as strong as Asuka. She never cries… except from happiness'_ , he thought. He closed his eyes tight and threw his head against the doorframe. Tears flowed slowly; he ignored them, listening to the wind and letting the images of angry Asuka roll before his eyes.

Shinji jumped and snapped his eyes open when he suddenly felt a touch. A familiar face of Kaworu, washed in lunar light, was looking at him with concern, his palm resting on his shoulder and feeling so warm…

Shinji wanted to say something, but found himself struggling to get out words. Kaworu just smiled and placed a finger on Shinji's lips. In total silence, disrupted only by the sound of their breathing, he sat himself next to Shinji, his warm hand still in place. He moved it only to gently pull Shinji to himself. Startled at first, Shinji turned his head…

… and found himself staring into the red eyes, smile and warmth in them. Kaworu moved his lips in an inaudible whisper: _"_ _come to me."_ Shinji obeyed without thinking; realising that, he hesitated for a short moment, but his mind gave him no good reason not to submit. He found himself in warm embrace – only then realising how cold he was until now – and rested his head on Kaworu's chest. A moment later, Shinji felt a soft kiss on the top of his head.

No words were spoken, but suddenly, he felt less lonely.

It was the strangest comfort. But it was comfort, and in the end, it was all that mattered.

 _Present_

'I suppose that was the night'

, Shinji thought wistfully. _'_ _The night it clicked: friend, friend with party benefits, lover… it all somehow fit. Of course, I missed that, and I almost lost it. I was so confused then, too focused on Asuka to act on it.'_ He sighed. _'_ _As if I am less confused now; well, at least we're all in the open now. This should help communication.'_

Things will change – of this Shinji was certain. But for the first time in years, he was not that afraid of the coming change.

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Four of us - part 2.

Subject of Shinji's musings was not asleep, despite the appearances. Rei was not deceived – it was nearly impossible to hide one's condition from her perception, especially when she knew the person in question well and had them at hand – but she was content with caressing him and staring in the distance, lost in her own thoughts. He welcomed the caresses – physical contact has always been pleasant to him. No, not just pleasant – even after so many years, he was hungry for it – be it a handshake, a hug from someone who did not conform to Japanese no-touching taboo, a cuddly movie evening with his lovers, or full-blown sex. This has led him on a long streak of short-to-medium relationships and one-night stands in few years after the War – none of them truly satisfying despite being pleasant and quenching his appetite for affection. In the end, he found himself entangled deeper and deeper into relationship with people that have always been closest to him.

Despite this closeness, Kaworu felt slightly out of place in this new marital arrangement. He did love his spouses, even if he was still in the process of learning what that feeling entailed; and he took the passionate proposal speech of Asuka to his heart. The words and the emotions behind them were still there, warming him up and making him smile every time he thought of that moment. He agreed – on the rational level, at least – with everything Asuka had said, but on the other hand, the facts were clear: his connection to each of them was not as strong as theirs with each other. Shinji and Asuka knew each other for the longest time of them all; they were connected since they met – even accounting for on-and-off nature of their relationship, which was never **that** off, according to what Asuka told him – and he saw their bond as the strongest of all the ties that tied four of them. Rei was connected to both of them as well, in a manner he never truly understood, but never dared to doubt. On his part, he saw himself as linked with Rei – due to their shared nature, not to mention owing her his life – but his link with Asuka and Shinji was far less pronounced.

 _'Still, she sounded convinced that she was right, that she loved me… and when I tried to protest… well, I got yelled at. Affectionately, I assume, considering what happened later.'_ He learned – through a lot of confusion and miscommunication, followed by long and thorough analysis – how to distinguish Asuka's displays of genuine anger from her showing affection via similar angry outbursts. The success rate was still far from 100% that would satisfy him and allow to avoid incorrect reactions, but he was getting there. Once, he envied Shinji who seemed to be able to tell those apart perfectly; but once he asked for suggestions, he found out that there are far more shades than he ever thought possible.

 _"I can usually tell between 'I'm angry, stay away' and 'I'm angry, hug me'"_ – Kaworu recalled Shinji's answer – _"but there can be 'I'm angry, I don't know what to do with myself', 'I look fine, but I am few seconds from screaming'… of course, 'I'm angry and don't want to know you' is on the list as well, but this is something you needn't to worry about"_ – Shinji's smile was heartbreakingly sad when he tried to say the last one as it was a joke. All in all, this conversation did not help Kaworu understand Asuka.

But it did help him understand Shinji, who was no less important to him, and no less an enigma. Just a quieter one, one where pain was concealed beneath courtesy, kind smile, and overall please-don't-mind-me attitude. He understood that Japanese culture encouraged this kind of concealment, and he saw it often in Japanese people – but Shinji was not merely following his cultural programming – he raised it to a level of art. An art Kaworu did not appreciate.

He preferred other kinds of art Shinji practiced. His cooking was unparalleled; this, aside being close to people he considered the family he ever had, was the greatest advantage of all Pilots living together. His love of music helped him make his decision, and in somewhat roundabout way, saved Kaworu's life. Aside that, those hands of a musician were a wonder in so many other circumstances…

He stopped his train of thought before it went too far and deprived him of blood to the brain. _'Not now, please. Now is not the time. I am absolutely sure there will be plenty of opportunity for that later. Back. Back on track, please.'_

His brain begrudgingly obeyed.

Bonds. Initially, he saw humans – Lilim, as he called them then – as always alone, forced to live eternally separated from each other behind their AT Fields. Later, he learned it was not the truth – some were like that, but then he saw bonds that tied them.

And then he started to experience them himself.

It was hard to pinpoint which bond was the first. It could either be with Rei or Shinji; once one of those bonds formed, the other followed pretty soon. He knew of Shinji first, before coming to Tokyo-3, but the genuine connections – truly human emotions – came later. And along came confusion, problems with labelling what he felt, and the general chaos of the War giving him little time to introspect. The Call and his initial reason for existence did not help things. Only when the end of the War drew closer, Rei saved him from the Call, and they spent the first night together.

That was one of the strangest and fondest memories, one he tended not to think of too often – at least not in public. First time he was truly intimate with someone on so many different levels it made his head spin. It did make him dizzy even now.

He took a deep breath and tried to re-focus. _'I am the Angel of Free Will. I choose'_ , he chuckled internally, a grim streak tainting that thought. There were times where those words meant difference between life and death – not only to him, but to entire human race.

Those times were thing of the past, thanks to Rei; thanks to Asuka and Shinji as well. Thanks to others that were now his friends. He tended to think – and say – that his participation in the victory was minimal, that he was actually one of the problems, but they usually responded with listing the ways he helped save everyone. _'I walked the strangest road: from being incarnation of doom and tool of their demise to their lover, their husband. How strong a bond is needed for that to happen?'_ , he mused sometimes. Today, he knew the answer.

In comparison to what tied him to Rei and Shinji, his connection to Asuka was easier to map out. It started with her being suspicious and him being destined to kill her along with rest of the humanity; it then moved into comradeship of arms from being Pilots – and eventually co-conspirators; then, it turned into genuine friendship after the war. Eventually, friendship turned into friendship with occasional benefits.

And then they got married.

 _'If anyone ever tries to make our lives into a screenplay, no one would consider it for realisation. It's too inane, too improbable, too… optimistic and dark at the same time?'_ , he thought with amusement. _'I can imagine that: "The characters are too complex, the setting too dark, plot twists are improbable, and this conspiracy! Unrealistic!" And that before even we get into the post-War part – us coming together, breaking up, and coming together again. Rinsing and repeating. Any responsible studio would file it under "soap opera", classify it as "young adult romance", or refuse to touch it altogether for the same reason – unrealistic!'_

'Well, at least it ended with a marriage, didn't it?'

, he smiled internally. It was amusing to think of his life as a fairy tale. A grim one, like the German fairy tales of old, but still a fairy tale. _'No… not exactly ended. Something ended, but the tale did not'_ , he corrected himself.

 _'For better or worse, I am now one of them'_ , he thought, relaxing and shifting to a more comfortable – if less pleasant – position. That was one of the few things he was certain of. With that thought, he allowed himself to drift to sleep.

Kaworu moved and straightened; his head was no longer in Rei's lap: now he was sitting straight on his seat, head tilted back. Rei smiled at him; change in position made him seek a different point of contact – reflexively or consciously, he took her hand, their fingers now intertwined. Seeing no reason to disturb him, she turned her attention back to the outside.

Rei was happy. Of course, it did not show much on her reserved exterior, but she felt the persistent and growing warmth inside her. Actually, most of her free-floating thoughts at the moment were about exploring her current states and sensations, both physical and mental. They were numerous, and none of them was negative.

The emotional satisfaction and residual giddiness from happiness overload she suffered – no, enjoyed – after realising the marriage and subsequent 'scientific experiments' she conducted with her now-spouses. This was certainly going to last, especially that now she had means to reignite that state with just a touch; she squeezed Kaworu's hand on that thought and had hers squeezed back in a soft, relaxed manner; clearly a reflex, not a conscious effort.

Warmth coming from bond between all four of them being in close proximity; this was going to return every time they are close, and she knew this was something to cherish. Rei sometimes pitied the limited senses of others, unable to perceive bonds as she did; on the other hand, she envied their ability to express their emotions and reach beyond their self, reach to each other. _'A different set of skills, complementing each other'_ was how she thought of that difference between herself and her loved ones.

Slight soreness of her skin around the newly tattooed wings on her back and Asuka's name on her face. This will pass; she already researched the proper way to take care of fresh tattoos and was eagerly awaiting the opportunity to take care of everyone's skin – and have them take care of hers. And while the soreness may pass, the tattoos shall remain.

The sensation in her nether parts that was a result from her kindly asking Asuka to make good on her promise to get her out of her clothes last night – and to let her apologise for the mischievousness during the day. This, along with other little marks on her body, will pass quickly… but Rei was looking forward to those sensations returning, in various configurations and with similar emotional meaning.

The feeling of being loved and claimed – coming from all of the above. This was certainly going to last; she knew from observation – and her limited experience – that feelings change, mutate, differ over time – but if cared for, last. The vows they spoke, the markings on their skins, the acceptance of the circumstances they expressed in the end… All this made Rei feel as she truly _belonged_ to them, that she was truly _claimed_ by her lovers and now-spouses.

Rei suddenly realised that made her aroused to a surprising degree. Granted, in the last few years, sex gradually became something familiar to her, and she was no stranger to feeling arousal. Nonetheless, the intensity of feeling that accompanied the thought of belonging to people she loved was something new and unexpected.

Rei shelved thoughts on that for later consideration, as something certainly worth exploring; but this was hardly the place to do so. While she trusted her body and mind to exercise restraint, she had other – safer – subjects to think of. Subjects of feelings, first and foremost: remaining physical sensations she was feeling were simple things, easily alleviated or augmented as she saw fit.

But the matter of the bonds… this was simultaneously simple and complicated. Simple, because she loved them all, they loved her back, and they were now married, with sense of permanency augmented by the tattoos.

Complicated, because the thought process that was trying to differentiate types of love she felt for each of her spouses repeatedly led to confusion. Asuka was expressive in her speech – Rei actually lacked an adjective to describe the sheer force of emotion behind Asuka's words – but did not provide much useful data towards naming the feelings and telling them apart. While synthetic part of Rei's mind had no problem with the amalgamation of emotions she felt, and practical part simply accepted them and rolled on, the analytical side relentlessly tried to understand the situation on its own terms.

So far, it failed.

Rei's thoughts drifted off from the analysis, focusing on the proposal speech itself. While, as all then-intoxicated participants, she could only remember the recording of the event; on the other hand, she was certain that while none of the present remember the event, her mind must have preserved at least the emotional part of it, if not more. The state of elation she felt while watching the video was familiar to her, a kind of déja vu, despite of not feeling like this before. _'Maybe, if I search long enough, I can find it?'_ , she mused. It was another thing to consider sooner or later.

A skein of geese came into view, providing a momentary distraction. Traveling in concert, following simple rules that organised them, focused on a distant goal. Rei blinked, her train of thought interrupted by the observation her mind recorded and filed away. Another train of thought entered to the vacated mindspace.

Asuka even called Rei a "goddess". A term Rei was not used to hear. _"Promising student"_ , yes, from her teachers. _"Brilliant"_ , for sure, from many. _"Fucking doll"_ was, fortunately, thing of the past, but _"cold and distant"_ , _"beautiful, but inaccessible"_ , or the old _"ice queen"_ still happened sometimes, used behind her back by people unaware of her acute senses. People she worked with on her research projects knew her well enough, but even they had had to adjust, and often failed to read her correctly, sometimes resulting in misunderstandings. _"Ayanami is fine to approach, but don't break her focus unless you need something urgent. Talk to her when she is not working"_ has become something of a mantra, an axiom given to people new to the research team. They usually listened, and gradually realised she could be talked to. _'But do they really understand? Did they really care?'_ , Rei pondered, not for the first time. For most of the time, the answer was _"no, and I think I would like them to"_. Now, this answer was changing. The new one was still nebulous, but it was close to _"no, I have now people who understand, and the rest of the world matters less"_.

Rei was aware of dangers that lie on that path, but for now, she was content she could allow herself the freedom to think like this. She would have hated being called _"Wondergirl"_ in the past – if she has had been able to feel that in her then-condition – but now, this label was a term of endearment. She giggled when she recalled one of the times Asuka called her that. _"Wonder…girl… you r'lly work wonder with that t–", Asuka managed to get out, rest of the sentence cut off by an inarticulate moan. "Kkkkeep ittt upp" was all the redhead was able to say afterwards. Rei was pleased – her research has proven valuable and effective in bringing comfort to a woman she loved._ It was a night brought by unfortunate circumstances – another break-up, Asuka feeling stupid about it, but refusing to admit it – but it had a few good moments.

A goddess. That term that was technically correct, for a given definition of divinity – not that she felt very divine. Rei could not stop wondering what exactly prompted Asuka to use it in that specific case. Of course, a very probable reason was _"because I could, it felt right at the time, and it fits you perfectly, so don't dissect it, Wondergirl"_ ; if asked, Asuka would likely provide that answer. Yet Rei knew that motivations could often laid in subconsciousness, and the could be something more behind it. _'This is another thing for later consideration – and actually ask my dear wife for explanation'_ , Rei thought and silently giggled at the term. Sliding into new labels for her now-spouses came easy to her. This was a complicated subject before the wedding; the labels often changed, not only in regard to her. Shinji to Asuka could be _boyfriend_ at one point, _that-idiot-I-am-not-talking-to-and-about_ in the other, and _my best fucktoy_ few days after. For her it was a bit easier: Asuka was usually _friend_ , sometimes someone between _lover_ and _friend-with-benefits_ ; Rei to Asuka was _friend_ , _lover_ , or _lovely pillow_ , as she called Rei in affectionate, afterglow-tinted pillow talk after seeking comfort in her arms. Shinji was also _friend_ , sometimes maybe _boyfriend_ – if they dated long enough to justify the term, of which Rei was never sure. Kaworu was always _friend_ , although he tended to call her _my saviour_ , a term Rei was vaguely uncomfortable with for several reasons. _'I guess I could call him "friend-with-benefits at times", but this felt too… specific, too… limiting'_ , she mused over several times they shared a bed, celebrating the simple joy of life. It never developed into a steady relationship, but they always remained close – and retained the habit when time and other relationships permitted.

Now it all became simple. Asuka was her _wife_ , Kaworu and Shinji were her _husbands_. They had her last name, and she had their names inscribed on her flesh. She was theirs.

Rei realised a bit too late that there was a good reason she shelved that train of thought. She started to feel a bit funny, and raising her hand to her cheek, she realised she was blushing – hard. _'It's ironic that of all body functions, arousal is one that does not submit to control as much as I would like it to'_ , she thought while taking deep breaths. She heard a murmur of protest from Kaworu next to her, and realised she squeezed his hand – hard. She forced another exhale, calming herself a bit, and relaxed the grip. While Kaworu's body was resilient, her own strength could easily prove a match to his resilience – and a medical emergency was the last thing they needed to add to their trouble.

Rei's accelerated breathing did not remain unnoticed. A concerned eye peeked between the seats. "Rei? Are you all right?", Shinji inquired from his seat. "You seem… hot", he added in a worried tone.

'Well, thank you' was something that sprang to Rei's mind as first response. She chided herself at this – this was not a laughing situation: Shinji was clearly worried, and a joke would be inappropriate. "I am… fine. Just a little…", Rei stumbled at lack of proper description; on one hand, she did not want to elaborate on her situation, not in a public place; on the other, she did not like to lie, especially to someone so close to her as Shinji was.

She noticed some fumbling in the seats before her, some hushed voices, and Asuka's unconscious sounds of protest. Before she could act on it, Shinji was kneeling in his seat, reaching to touch her face. She blushed harder.

"Rei? You **are** hot", he repeated.

"Ebue", another voice joined in incoherently. "Of course she izz…", half-conscious female voice joined the discussion. "White-searing hot, actually, and she could… oi, wait, what is going on?", Asuka shook her grogginess and jumped up, joining Shinji in doting over Rei.

Rei was now blushing more from the embarrassment on the commotion she caused: "Please, nothing is going on", she protested, "I am fine", she inhaled and exhaled again. "I am little flustered, that is all." She paused for a moment: "I promise I will explain that later", she added in smaller voice.

Asuka and Shinji exchanged looks. "All right", Asuka agreed reluctantly. "You know best." After a pause, she added with a grin "but you **do** look hot with that blush". In response, Rei made a motion to hide from their eyes; regrettably, limited space of a plane seat gave her little options. She could only hide her head in her shoulders and drop her eyes. Shinji giggled at the sight: "I must agree with Asuka here, it's a rare but a welcome sight to see you blush to that degree."

Rei looked up at them with exasperation and a silent plea for release from their attention. A treacherous thought in her mind chimed in: _'and I am going to explain this blush to them, and tell them how to cause it, won't I?'_ In reaction, she facepalmed softly with her free hand. "Thank you, but you are **not** helping", she muttered from behind the palm. On that cue, she noticed a stir in a seat next to her.

"Is there some discussion I am being left out of?", Kaworu asked in a sleepy voice. Shinji and Asuka exchanged looks again: "Actually, there is", Shinji confirmed. "And your opinion is actually direly needed", she added with a tiny wry smile.

Rei hid her face under her palm as best as she could and let out a small groan.

.

* * *

.

Four of us – part 3.

"Asuka, I refuse to bite that bait, I will not answer that question!", Shinji protested as vehemently as he could without raising his voice and causing undue commotion. "You're putting me in a corner here, **and you know it**!"

"I know. It is always fun to see you squirm. And I perfectly know the answer, anyway", Asuka grinned at him and received an exasperated glare in return. Kaworu had a thoughtful expression on his face – or at least he tried to, because smile was creeping in despite his best attempts to hide it. Rei was doing what she could – at least without resorting to her less mundane abilities – to hide on her seat: she slumped and concealed her blushing face in her hands.

"Could we _not_? Please?", she pleaded with her voice tiny and muffled. Asuka just looked at her and stated with a grin: "You look so adorable I could kiss you senseless." Another small groan was all she received in response, prompting a giggle. "Absolutely adorable. All right", she turned her attention to Shinji. "If you refuse to answer my question, I shall exact retribution!" She sank to her seat and pulled Shinji down to his. Next thing he felt was her arm across him and her lips on his, soon followed by a tongue in his mouth. Teeth joined soon after.

Shinji relented. His girlfriend – no, his _wife_ – has returned to the known phase, known as 'maniacally in love with you and making out with you whenever I feel like it'. He could only hope it will not turn into 'stay the fuck away from me' too soon.

Misato has been watching this scene from her seat for a while now; Asuka asking _"_ _who is the most beautiful woman you know?"_ could be easily an attempt to start an argument, and she was relieved when it proved to be merely Asuka's way to tease Shinji.

She sighed discreetly. _'_ _This whole trip has been a rollercoaster – and the ride is not over yet_ ', she though, mixed feelings making her more troubled than she would admit. Misato was aware that her kids – she still could not shake that thinking about them, their independence be damned – were in for far more emotional turmoil than they realised.

She knew enough of their love life to be aware that the current arrangement was likely for the best – this marriage, assuming they all accept it in the end, had a chance to eliminate a lot of break-up and come-back messes that weighed heavily on them over the years. But she also knew from experience – even if it was definitely not experience she was going to discuss with them – that non-monogamy was not the easiest ground to tread on. _'_ _Still, what can I do? Wish them the best and let them sort it out themselves. Nothing good will come from meddling into their feelings; that I learned the hard way few years back. So, sit back, old hag, and speak only when they ask for your help'_ , she concluded, trying to get her mind off that track.

 _'_ _I wonder whether there will be a proper wedding reception. Two grooms to dance with, and I bet they both be killing it in a proper attire. Shinji will need a new suit, though… he certainly is taking it after his father when it comes to his body developing. And I don't think Kaworu has any appropriate suit at all'_. She shook her head and leaned back. _'_ _Stop that, you stupid mother hen. You are_ _ **not**_ _their_ _ **mother**_ _, it's not for you to plan their weddings. Wedding. You're their friend. Think of the gift you'd give them, and the dress for yourself, maybe a suit for your husband'_ , Misato chided herself. _'_ _Speaking of dress… I wonder how the girls would look in white dress… or maybe they'd prefer kimonos?'_

She smiled at the picture: boys, dressed to kill in their suits; girls, both in fairy-tale-like wedding dresses. Her perception shifted for a moment, and she saw them in more traditional Japanese wear – looking equally beautiful and handsome in wedding kimonos. _'_ _I'll have to poke them about that, once they manage to leave the bedroom after we're back. Do not suggest anything large, anything fancy… just a simple party for friends and family'_ , she decided, and paused. _'_ _Family. All in all, they have a chance to finally have a proper one. Their own.'_

She looked sideways at Kaji, who was snoring softly on the seat next to her, his try-to-make-me-shave face relaxed and without a worry in the world. _'_ _Everyone gets their shot at happiness, hm? Don't waste yours, kids.'_

Asuka woke up from an indistinct dream. She could recall something about running around a big, dark castle, looking for something, maybe hiding? The place was something out of a nightmare, but the dream itself was not: she knew her nightmares, and she knew they never came when Shinji was close. Just some dream about looking for something, but without the insane emotions that happened in nightmares.

 _'_ _Still, funny metaphor for what happened…'_ , she thought, wryly. She yawned lazily, stretched, and looked around. Everyone else was asleep; it was slowly getting dark outside and the inside of the plane was silent. Only distant, soft murmurs and some snoring suggested any human activity; quick glance at the clock told her they were less than an hour from the arrival time; the lights of – presumably – Japan were already visible.

 _'_ _Home, sweet home'_ , she thought. _'_ _Heh. We left as a gaggle of misfits with issues, we're returning as a family. Of misfits with issues, of course, but this is an improvement. I think.'_

Asuka was conflicted. She **did** feel happy – " _I managed to cut the Gordian knot by tying the knot!"_ , as she triumphantly told her spouses once her initial shock at seeing her own proposal speech wore off, deal was closed, and dust from collecting Misato and Kaji had settled. " _And become the mistress of Asia… well, those parts of Asia I hold most dear"_ , she finished with a grin and led them off to a celebratory dinner – this time, on nearly everyone's insistence, with less alcohol – while those better-read explained the metaphor to those confused.

She grinned again at that memory. That day started truly weird but ended on a high note… at least the public part. The private part that happened later… ' _Well, I guess Shinji would call it ended "forte"?'_ she grinned wider and her cheeks flushed a small bit. Even after Asuka fulfilled her thread – or promise – of getting back on Rei for all the horrible puns she made them suffer, Rei was softly insistent on 'her punishment' to continue after dinner. Asuka was having a hard time saying 'no' to her. _'_ _Not after accidentally reaching into my pocket and finding a reminder of that lovely minx's mischief. Not after Shinji and Kaworu behaved like damned_ _ **lovebirds**_ _over the dinner. Not after they turned into_ _ **fucking**_ _lovebirds afterwards. Not after Shinji's offer of assistance with Rei…'_ , she blushed harder. Quick scan of the area around indicated she was safe from prying eyes, but she knew she had to stop that thinking soon, especially that a make-out session with Shinji those few hours prior left her tingling with… anticipation. She shook her head. Aside being happy, she felt confused.

 _'_ _Shouldn't I feel jealous of them? Of Kaworu? Of Rei? I suppose I should. Why aren't I?'_ She has been in the past. Girls that looked at Shinji. Girls that asked Shinji out. Shinji's date when Kaworu dragged him on a double-date after particularly long break in their relationship.

 _'_ _I wanted to go there and claw that girl's eyes out. I really considered it. Not my proudest moment'_ , she sighed. _'_ _Yes, all of them. I was jealous. But…'_ Asuka stopped and peeked back and sleeping Rei. _'_ _Not of her. When they started dating, I was feeling bad… but I couldn't be angry at_ _ **her**_ _. I was angry at_ _ **him**_ _, but that felt so normal, so expected…'_

'And then she pushed him, literally, back into my arms. Without a regret. And comforted me when it fell apart again.'

'And he forgave the stupid reasons for the break-up. As he always did. And always apologised, sincerely, when he thought it was his fault. And often when he wasn't.'

'And this stupid Angel of Fluff, Love and Fluffy Love. He was always there. Comforting me, over and over. Comforting Shinji, caring for him. Loving Rei.'

'I don't deserve them'

, she hid her face in her hands. _'_ _But I do love them. And they do love me. They took me, the worthless Drama Queen, the girl that caused a whole lot of mess in their lives. The girl that ran away so many times, that almost ran away for good. They just accepted me.'_

Asuka realised her face was wet, and so were her hands. Tears rolled freely down her cheeks, but she failed to notice that until now. For a second, panic gripped her: she never let anyone see her like that in public, not since she was four. Only her lovers – now, her spouses – saw her that vulnerable, and it was not that common, either. _'_ _Yet another reason I don't deserve them. They saw my lows, all of them, and still said "yes".'_ She bit hard on her lip and took a deep breath. Fortunately for her, another quick scan confirmed no one was looking.

 _'_ _And I am_ _ **not**_ _letting them go. Not one of them. Not anymore. Not ever. Not until death us part. And perhaps even not then.'_

The silence that surrounded Asuka was the only witness to her thoughts. She let the tears flow in silence for a little while longer before doing her best to recover and prepare to look fine.

The world did not have to know.

"What do you mean 'wrong'?! Nothing is **wrong** with them!", Asuka's voice was approaching the sound of a snarling predator. She was annoyed already, when their flight had to wait for landing. She was clearly irritated heading out through long passageways of the airport. Now, when they had been stopped on some desk over a data discrepancy, she was quickly heading towards 'livid'. People who knew her were aware that 'furious' was not far off, and not a good thing.

"I am sorry, ma'am, something seems to be out of order with your papers. If you calm down, I will do my best to work it out", a young official was doing his best to placate a scary, redheaded ball of irritation in front of him. Rest of the group tried their best not to draw attention. They were all tired; trans-oceanic travels are never easy on body and mind, and while some of the people involved were used to them more than the others – for Kaji, it was like another day on the job – most were not.

"While your numbers check out, there seems to be some confusion regarding the names… there are no direct matches, but some of them seem similar…", the clerk trailed off, clearly trying to make heads and tails of the data in front of him. Hikari's reasoning clicked first. "Of course. Yes", she rummaged through her bag for a moment. "Here", she addressed the clerk while handing him the marriage certificate. "I got married abroad. It's _Hikari Suzuhara_ now." Her face lit up a bit banishing the signs of exhaustion for a moment.

"Oh. I see. I see", the man nodded. "It seems the wedding location transferred the information to prefecture's office… and it's in our new citizen registration system now. Amazing efficiency, it's country-wide… I see." He quickly scanned the passport and recorded information. "Thank you, ma'am, please keep in mind you will have to request new identification", he added.

"Yes, of course, I will. Thank you", Hikari bowed.

In the meantime, the quad of newlyweds was engaged in internal discussion. Asuka managed to cool down – good news for everyone involved, and for the national security. But the issue at hand still stood: they were trying to determine who had the certificate. It took about ten minutes of thorough searches, whispered accusations, and fifteen other passengers passing the desk before they managed to find the document, orient it properly, and decide who was going to present it. Last part gathered them some glares: apparently, quick paper-scissor-rock matches were not common in airport queues.

Kaworu stepped forward, followed by the rest. He handed the officer the marriage certificate: "We got married as well", he stated, as calmly as he could.

"Ah, yes, Mr… Mr… Soryu-Ayanami… Hmmmm…"

Kaworu found himself starting to sweat. Not that he was not used to social situations but dealing with authority was something he was not used to, and certainly not something he _liked_. Especially in a situation that could prove complicated. His legal status might have been established properly in the wake of NERV-related changes after the War, but he never truly tested how thorough his legalisation was.

"I am afraid this does not make much sense", the clerk started with increasingly confused voice. "Your papers say 'Kaworu Nagisa', and you seem to have assumed a double name that has nothing to do with yours… same for Mr. Shinji… Ikari, now Soryu-Ayanami… Mrs. Soryu, now Soryu-Ayanami… Mrs. Ayanami… oh. This starts…", the clerk paused, making everyone light up with hope. "No, this still makes little sense. If you excuse me and please wait a moment", the clerk picked up the phone, making everyone slump back into tiredness.

Kaworu sighed. He did not envy the man; this had to be a problem for him as well, and while he had to know English due to his line of work, the marriage certificate was far from what one would expect from a clear and standard document. Suzuharas had the same type of certificate, but it had the expected two names and one of the people had a name change – a simple case, a common one. On their certificate, there were **four** names, and all of them were changed in the process. Everything was within the realms of possibility, and within the law – although Kaworu was not entirely sure what _Japanese_ law said about their quad arrangement – but the amount of the unusual events and circumstances most likely crossed the young official's threshold of "I can handle that routinely", speeded past "I have to think how to handle it", and was rapidly passing "I need to consult my superiors lest I make a mistake that will shame me forever" level.

Kaworu understood the man's plight. But he was also perfectly aware that Asuka's temporary lack of violent approach could be very temporary indeed. And that was the thought that disturbed him most at the time, trumping even his own exhaustion.

In the end, the resolution required calling in a senior clerk who had more experience in handling 'irregular' cases – Kaworu found it slightly amusing how the official fought to keep to the proper terminology and avoided calling the case _insane_ or _messed-up_ – recounting of the entire story – Kaworu had to remind himself to focus on _marriage_ , omitting the _party_ before and _consummation_ after, not to mention the whole _recovery and rescue_ process the next day – and reassurances that they will bring the documents in order as soon as reasonably possible. By the end of it, his patience has worn thin.

The fear of Asuka-originating explosion came around once more at luggage pick-up. But the delay has proven to be minimal, and Asuka was simply too tired to care. The party split in three, said their good-byes, and each returned to their own place by a separate taxi. On the way, the four simply kept close; too tired to talk, but not too tired to look out for each other. Once they reached the apartment, suitcases went into corners, and bathrooms became things most desired.

They were home.

Shinji pulled out some frozen ingredients and started on a simple supper; they did have a meal on the plane, of course, but it was hours ago, food never tasted well in the clouds, and sleeping with an empty stomach did not sound well to anyone. Once basics were set up, Shinji gladly accepted Kaworu's offer to watch over the pots and took a shower himself; only distraction that happened on the way was being stopped by freshly-showered Asuka and given a warm and steamy hug. "Thank you", she whispered in his ear before moving on. He blinked in confusion; _'_ _I'll have to ask later'_ , he thought. Actually, there were many things to touch on later. But this was a proper qualification: later. Now, it was time to shower, eat, and go to sleep. Jet lag was a murder.

He got out of the shower just in time to assist in serving the food. He smiled at the fact that everyone was in the most comfortable clothing they could find: Asuka, Kaworu, and he in their pyjamas, Rei in her soft bathrobe. For a second, part of his brain wondered why Rei did not put her pyjama; less tired part of his brain reminded her she never owned any. This conclusion did not help his cognitive capabilities; suddenly, he was glad that he was already sitting behind a table.

"Goodnight, every-", Shinji tried to say once he got out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth. He stopped in his tracks once he saw his spouses performing some manoeuvres with futons. "Guys?"

"Ah, good. Do you prefer us on the left, the right, or on both sides?", Rei asked in a very matter-of-fact tone. Before Shinji could answer, Asuka chimed in with sleepy voice: "Just push the bed to the wall, put them on the other side in case someone falls, and come to bed, all of you. I'm tiiiiree-" a large yawn cut the rest off.

Rei looked at Kaworu, and Kaworu looked at Rei. They both smiled, and the bed with Asuka on it slowly levitated towards the wall. Shinji rolled his eyes: _'_ _Well, yes, this_ _ **is**_ _the fastest way, but I am sure some hapless technician at Geofront is now scrambling to check the Blue Pattern Alarm. They will see it originated here and ceased, and hopefully not call for recon or Eva alarm…'_. The War was over, but the sensor networks have not been dismantled. After all, no one truly knew whether it was all over, and in military, paranoia tended to be the way of life – or, as they preferred to call it, 'being prepared'.

He shook the thoughts off and approached the newly-placed bed. It was technically Asuka's room, and she had a large bed they both slept in when they were on good terms – but large meant 'fit for three', not for four. _'_ _Well, I guess one or two nights with one more will not kill us. And then we'll have to think of something else.'_

He turned around to ask Kaworu a question about futons – and realised this might have been a mistake. Rei already disrobed – and was standing less than half a meter from him, smiling her small smile, perfectly innocent in her nudity. Perfectly distracting, as well. "Yes, dear husband?", she smirked. "Should I put something more… decent… on, to avoid distracting you?"

 _'…_ _and perfectly aware of the effect she is having on me. If she keeps up this game, next few days may be… interesting. Or few next weeks'_ , he realised.

Little did he know how wrong he was.

Despite his brain still operational – at least marginally – Shinji found himself unable to answer coherently. Kaworu entered the room carrying his futon and stopped in his track. Rei looked at him equally sweetly and asked the same question, in the same innocent tone. Brains of both men were whirring, deciding between a bluescreen and turning off due to lack of blood. Rei seemed… amused.

The stalemate was broken by a muffled voice from the bed: "Shtop fooling 'round! I want my body pillow, sho come to **bed**! Or'll come to youu…" Asuka made a threat, waving her hand, fingers curled in claws, rest of her body wrapped in covers.

Rei put her finger on her lips and cocked her head. "I believe I have a solution for this. All of this. Kaworu, please put the futon down next to the bed, as we discussed; Shinji – please go assist Asuka in acquiring a body pillow. You are one she is most familiar with in that capacity. I believe I can take care of the remaining issues that have arisen."

 _'_ _Rei certainly makes good on her word'_ , Shinji thought, drifting to sleep while holding Asuka, being held by Rei, and feeling Kaworu's hand on his side. He wondered briefly whether the bruises that had to be forming on his thighs will be recognizable as bite marks – if so, it would be wise to think of an explanation before resuming his training routine – but decided to worry about that in the morning. His last conscious thought was: _'_ _Will it last? I'd like to see it last…'_.

Surrounded by happy murmurs and soft snoring from all sides, he drifted away.


	8. Chapter 8

**Evangelion: The Hangover pt 8**

 **.**

* * *

.

The next morning after homecoming was a slow and lazy one, at least partly due to jet lag still insisting it was the middle of the night. But the larger reason was a mix of joy at waking up with the four of them comfortably wrapped around each other entirely openly, and of all of them sharing a residual fear that this was all a grand dream and not wanting to break the spell by getting up. Asuka certainly didn't want to move, at least. However, Kaworu's stomach loudly declaring it was empty and Shinji's bladder alerting him it was full required the happy, if somewhat cramped, pile in the bed to yield to the requirements of nature and start to stir.

Kaworu already had the beginnings of breakfast underway by the time Shiniji exited the bathroom. While no one questioned or contested Shinji's title as King of the kitchen in their household (which it had functionally been for months, despite Rei and Kaworu still technically having their own apartments next door), Kaworu had developed a not-inconsiderable talent of his own for cooking, fueled in part by his sheer delight that it was a relatively simple way for him to elide the still lingering creative blindness that many other Lilim fields harbored for him.

That their new marital status meant Kaworu had also decided to treat his wives and husband to a traditional 'naked apron' morning was a treat, though.

Shinji stopped dead in his tracks on entering the kitchen at the sight, and flushed as he contemplated that he was now staring at his _husband's_ bare ass as said cook worked on breakfast while humming contentedly. It took a moment for Shinji to kick himself back into gear and move in to cuddle up against Kaworu's delightfully warm back. "Good morning," he murmured into his ear. "Breakfast in bed for our wives?"

Kaworu purred happily at Shinji's hands sliding under the apron to meet on his stomach. "If they haven't moved when we're done cooking, certainly. Or if nothing distracts us out here~..." he trailed off suggestively, giving his hips a little wiggle against Shinji.

Shinji shivered himself and failed to stop an outburst of compassion. "Ah... I say no only because I'm sure our ladies would be sad they missed the show. But I like your thinking."

"Well then, let's hurry and get some food to them so we can resume," Kaworu said with a wink over his shoulder.

"And here I thought _Rei_ was the most naughty one," Shinji said with a smile. He forced himself to let go of the toned Nephilim and start finding the breakfast plates. "I think she's been a bad... _good_ influence on you."

Thus motivated, assembly of breakfast moved quickly. Toast, butter, jam, tea, and some rice for everyone was sufficient to get them started for the day, which happily was still part of vacation. They didn't have to worry about returning to their various jobs for a few more days. Shinji already had plans for them, most of which did not include spending much time away from either his new spouses or their bed. He imagined the others had similar thoughts.

Well, he imagined Asuka and Kaworu did. With Rei, he was _certain_.

Very deliberately, he let Kaworu precede him back into the bedroom, enjoying the view the whole way. _'Gods, it feels so... liberating, not to have to hold back at all anymore that I love Kaworu too. I don't know if I ever could have admitted that out loud without Asuka, too. I... I just... I need both of them. And Rei.'_ Rei's words from that hungover morning came back to him. _''I am currently experiencing the most fascinating combination of arousal and romantic joy. I would prefer that this state last as long as possible.' Yeah, me too, Rei. Me too.'_ He'd spent half his life so lonely it hurt to even remember, and now here he was, the first morning in his own home, bringing breakfast to his wives, plural, in the company of his husband.

Red and blue hair were mixed together on the bed, the only parts of their wives visible above the covers they'd pulled back over themselves once he and Kaworu rose. Kaworu placed tray he was carrying on the bedside table and snaked a hand underneath the blankets to gently rouse Rei. "Breakfast in bed, my loves. Time to wake a little."

"Grmphlbix," Asuka replied.

"But it's warm and cuddly under here, and Asuka is being cute and sleepy," Rei said drowsily.

"Naked apron beefcake," Kaworu said with a small smile.

Rei sprang upright into a sitting position, eyes open. "I'm up!" She ran her eyes up and down Kaworu. "Ohhhh, I like being married. Can I untie the apron?"

Kaworu smiled wider. "Of course. Unless Asuka wants to thumb-wrestle you for the chance."

Asuka likewise sat up, yawning. "I'm up, but I'm only not trying to kill you because I love you and you're really hot," she complained. "Rei can have this one. I will de-pants Shinji and have him feed me breakfast."

Shinji moved to her side of the bed, only too happy to put himself in reach of her hands. But before he could get to the fun part, his phone began to ring on the table behind him.

Asuka glared death at the smartphone. "Shinji, I do want you to answer that, if only so we can tell them to die in a fire for interrupting the breakfast-foreplay for what was supposed to be our first proper morning four-way in our own home."

Shinji handed the tray to Asuka, and retrieved his phone, glancing at the caller ID. The display on his cutting-edge smartphone said 'CPT Aida, K.' "It's Kensuke," he reported to the others. "It... could be NERV related?"

"At this hour? On a Saturday?" Asuka scoffed. "Oh, fine, answer him. If nothing else, we can tell him to leave us alone for," she glanced around, "eh, at least three or four days. We're going to be _busy_."

Shinji snorted. Asuka's tone said volumes about exactly _how_ she expected them to all be 'busy'. He clicked 'Accept' on his phone. "Hello, Kensuke."

"Shinji! Man! I have the _best news_ you're never going to believe!"

"A kaiju has appeared offshore, and you've been selected to pilot Jet Alone 2 against it while your girlfriends watch?" Shinji asked dryly.

"No, though that would be almost as awesome. I want to show you! Can you put on video mode?" Kensuke asked excitedly.

Shinji looked at his spouses. Rei had successfully dispensed with Kaworu's apron, and the chiseled and toned Nephilim was now sprawled across her lap, with Rei teasingly feeding him bits of toast and jam... ...while also exploring his compassion. Asuka watched with interest, and when she noticed Shinji looking, smirked at him and put her hands behind her head to arc her back into a stretch. "Er... I'm not really dressed..." he said into the phone.

"Please? I promise, it's worth it! It'll only take a minute! I've got something I _really_ want to show you and Asuka! I know she's there. You two are 'on again' this month."

Shinji sighed, and covered the phone's mic with his thumb. "Ah... Rei, cover yourself and Kaworu with a blanket enough for Kensuke. I'll try and keep you two out of shot, but I don't want to accidentally give him a show if I mistake the view angle."

"He has inconvenient timing," Rei pouted slightly, but flipped the blankets up enough that Kaworu was no longer displaying his strong compassion to the world.

Shinji sat down on the bed and placed himself in front of Asuka enough that her own state of undress wasn't immediately visible. Getting a nod from her, he clicked the call over to video. "Alright, Kensuke, we're here. What is it?"

A view of three hands greeted him, one male and two female, all wearing a ring on their ring finger. "We got _married!_ " Kensuke, Sayaka, and Kyoko chorused.

Rei slapped both her hands over her mouth and did her best to stifle an explosion of giggling. Kaworu rolled over and smashed his face into a pillow in a similar effort.

Asuka didn't even try. "Ha! About time, you three! Congratulations. Now... unless you stowed away in our luggage and snuck over to Las Vegas without telling us, how the Hell did you get the Japanese Government to agree to that? You three may have been a 'thing' since high school, but I thought you'd all decided to just live together since you couldn't do a three-way marriage."

"Turns out, it's legal in the United States!" Sayaka crowed from Kensuke's left. "Kyo-chan read about it when she was tormenting herself reading some bridal and wedding magazines. Once she told us, Ken-chan had us on a plane to Reno, Nevada in less than 24 hours! The sweetie!"

"Less than twelve hours after we landed, we were the Aidas, all three of us!" Kyoko said from the other side. "It's legal in America, and we figure with a good lawyer and playing the NERV card, we can probably make the Japanese Government take it. NERV for sure, anyhow, and if we have to live in the Geofront to make it work, then we'll do it."

Asuka's grin would have done credit to a shark. "As usual, Geek-Stooge, anything you can do, I can do better!" Without taking her eyes off the phone, she reached blindly to her right and found Rei's left hand, dragging her closer.

The image on the phone pulled back enough to show all three Aidas looking at them in confusion. They were apparently still walking out of the airport, a luggage cart in front of Kensuke. "What?" he blinked at her.

"Oh, Shinji and I got married two days ago, so we did it first. _And_ we did it better because we did it _bigger_."

"How can you and Shinji possibly be 'bigger' than the _three_ of us, Red Demon?"

Asuka's smirk ran from ear to ear. She pulled Rei close enough to be seen behind her, and draped Rei's arm over her shoulder, be-ringed hand prominently on display. "Because Shinji and I and _Rei_ got married... and Kaworu for good measure! Ha! Beat a four-way marriage, Stooge!"

She paused for a second. "Oh, yeah, Jock-Stooge and Hikari finally got hitched too. Seems to have been a thing this week."

Kesuke just stared at her. Then at Shinji, who raised his left hand to show his own ring and shyly nod confirmation. "Wut."

Kaworu stuck his head in to the edge of the field of the phone's camera. "Hi, Kensuke, ladies! Good morning!" He was grinning like an idiot too.

Kensuke stared at Kaworu's sideways tilted head like he'd grown antlers. "You guys are... you're fucking with us, right?"

Kaworu stuck his hand into view, ring glittering. "Nope! Asuka decided I was as lovable as Shinji and Rei, somehow, and decided to keep me. The Asuka has spoken, I must obey."

"Damn skippy," Asuka nodded. Her imperious tone was somewhat spoiled by a rising blush. "Mister Aida, Mrs Aida, Mrs Aida, say hello to the Soryu-Ayanamis!"

"How... how... how... what? I mean... all of you?" Kensuke babbled. Beside him Sayaka just smiled and shook her head at him. Kyoko started laughing. "You owe me 500 yen, Sayaka! You bet Rei and Kaworu would get married _first_!"

"Sayaka, Kyoko... you have been my friends for many years, and you know your husband was one of my first friends, yes?" Rei said suddenly from behind Asuka.

"Yes?"

"Yes?"

"So do take it in the full spirit of our friendship when I say 'Congratulations on your marriage, now stop interrupting me when I'm feeding a naked and aroused husband in my lap and don't call us for at least 24 hours'."

Kensuke's face reddened. "Rei, are you sure you should be quite phrasing it that way?"

"I dunno, I could stand to hear a little more," Sayaka said. "It sounds like a good plan. Love ya, Rei! We'll see you all tomorrow night for dinner or something!" She reached out over Kensuke's arm and pressed the 'End Call' button on his phone.

Rei nodded with satisfaction. She reached up to grab Kaworu by the upper arm and pulled him back to fall into her lap again. "Now, where were we? Ah, yes: Nutrition. Breakfast."

Shinji dropped his phone onto the bedside table and sat down facing Asuka. "Rei, why am I suspicious that you're planning something lewd with that train of thought?"

"Because we know this insatiably horny little minx we married, Shinji?" Asuka supplied. "Also, the way she's got her hand wrapped around Kaworu's 'Lance of Longinus' is a hint."

"I was just thinking of our dietary needs, Asuka," Rei said piously, hand moving slowly. "I'm going to watch Kaworu eat some toast, then he's going to eat me, while I eat you, while you eat Shinji. A good breakfast is important, and the best way to start the day."

"And what am I supposed to eat?" Shinji inquired, raising an eyebrow. "Or who, maybe?"

Rei smiled... angelically. "I'm warming you up some sausage right now."

"Rei, that was terrible. I'm giving you 70 or 80 years to stop that," Asuka said, leaning over to kiss her shoulder.

"If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" Rei said without the slightest change to her expression.

"I love breakfast," Kaworu mumbled around a mouthful of toast.


End file.
